Coin Machine Journal

69
THE COI N M A C H I N E J O U R N A L
April, 1933
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"Hello! Is this the city bridge depart­
ment?”
"Yes! What can we do for you?”
"How many points do you get for a
little slam?”
*
*
Doctor: “You must avoid all forms
of excitement.”
Male Patient: “But, Doctor, can’t
I even look at them on the street?”
* * *
Two old Scotsmen sat by the road­
side puffing solemnly at their pipes.
“There’s no’ much pleasure in
smoking, Donald,” said Sandy.
“Hoo dae ye mak’ that oot?” ques­
tioned Donald.
“Weel, if ye’re smoking yer ain
bacca, ye’re thinkin’ o’ the awful ex­
pense, and if ye’re smoking some ither
body’s y’r pipe’s rammed saw ticht it
winna draw.”
* * *
“Did you make the debating team?”
“N-n-no. They s-s-said I w-w-was-
n’t t-t-tall enough.”
* * *
Notice in Florida paper: “Thurs­
day I lost a gold watch I valued very
highly. Immediately I inserted an ad
in your lost and found column and
waited. Yesterday I went home and
found the watch in the pocket of
another suit. God bless your paper.”
# * *
Valet (to master): "Sir, your car is
at the door.”
Master: "Yes, I hear it knocking-”
'
(yifei
to put the tooth-paste back into the
tube?
* * *
“Jerry ain’t much of a farmer, I ’m
afraid”
“Naw, he keeps foolin’ ’round with
his crops so much, he don’t half ■
tend
to his fillin’ station.”
'
* t- * ■ ' ■
' ■
A novelist and his publisher were
conversing.
'
“By the way,” asked the publisher,
“where did you get the plot for your
second novel?”
“From the film version of my first.”
—Liverpool Evening Express.
* * *
“Pa,” said Johnnie, “what’s a mono­
log?”
^
\
“It’s a conversation being carried
on by a man and his wife, son,”
growled his dad.
—Cincinnati Enquirer.
* * *
Men who boast
That they know wimmen
Often get
The biggest trimmin\
— Evelyn Love Cooper in Judge*
* * *
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
The vicar was paying a visit to the
houses of his poorer parishioners, and
in one of the houses he asked a good
many questions about the family. A
* * *
Prospect: “I can’t see you today;
come back Friday.”
Salesman: “I won’t be in town Fri­
day.”
Prospect: “Neither will I.”
■
* * *
“There is no difficulty in this world
that cannot be overcome,” says the
Thames magistrate. Has he ever tried
Enhanced Scans © The International' Arcade Museum
very grubby but very cheerful little
boy attracted the kindly cleric’s at­
tention, and he asked him his name.
“Reginald d’Arcy Smif, sir,” replied
the boy, with a grin.
The vicar turned to the boy’s
father.
“What made you give the boy a
name like that?” he asked.
_
“ ’Cause I want ’im ter be a pro­
fessional boxer,” returned the parent,
“and wiv a name like that he’ll get
plenty o’ practice at school.”
— Tatler.
* &
Servant (to lion-tamer in cage):
“Your tailor is here with his bill.”
Lion-Tamer: “Tell him to come in.”
* * *
“Yassah,” said old Link, “business
very good. Done bought a pig fo’
$10, traded pig fo’ abarrer, barrer fo’
a calf, calf fo’ a bicycle, and sol’ de
bicycle fo’ $10!”
“But yo’ don’ make nothin’, Link! ”
“Sho’ ’nough, but look at de busi­
ness Ah been doin’.”
ifc * *
IT NEEDS NO EINSTEIN
“What gives you the impression
that Jack and Betty are engaged?”
“She has a ring and he’s broke.”
—Boston Transcript.
* * *
He is not drunk who, from the floor
Can rise again and drink some more;
But he is drunk who prostrate lies,
And cannot drink or cannot rise.
-—Eugene Field.
* * *
OR WAS IT TROPICAL FISH
Guest: “Shay, thish punch is getting
awful weak.”
Host: “Be careful there. You’re
dipping your cup into the gold fish
bowl.”
■ ■
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