69
THE COI N M A C H I N E J O U R N A L
April, 1933
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"Hello! Is this the city bridge depart
ment?”
"Yes! What can we do for you?”
"How many points do you get for a
little slam?”
*
*
Doctor: “You must avoid all forms
of excitement.”
Male Patient: “But, Doctor, can’t
I even look at them on the street?”
* * *
Two old Scotsmen sat by the road
side puffing solemnly at their pipes.
“There’s no’ much pleasure in
smoking, Donald,” said Sandy.
“Hoo dae ye mak’ that oot?” ques
tioned Donald.
“Weel, if ye’re smoking yer ain
bacca, ye’re thinkin’ o’ the awful ex
pense, and if ye’re smoking some ither
body’s y’r pipe’s rammed saw ticht it
winna draw.”
* * *
“Did you make the debating team?”
“N-n-no. They s-s-said I w-w-was-
n’t t-t-tall enough.”
* * *
Notice in Florida paper: “Thurs
day I lost a gold watch I valued very
highly. Immediately I inserted an ad
in your lost and found column and
waited. Yesterday I went home and
found the watch in the pocket of
another suit. God bless your paper.”
# * *
Valet (to master): "Sir, your car is
at the door.”
Master: "Yes, I hear it knocking-”
'
(yifei
to put the tooth-paste back into the
tube?
* * *
“Jerry ain’t much of a farmer, I ’m
afraid”
“Naw, he keeps foolin’ ’round with
his crops so much, he don’t half ■
tend
to his fillin’ station.”
'
* t- * ■ ' ■
' ■
A novelist and his publisher were
conversing.
'
“By the way,” asked the publisher,
“where did you get the plot for your
second novel?”
“From the film version of my first.”
—Liverpool Evening Express.
* * *
“Pa,” said Johnnie, “what’s a mono
log?”
^
\
“It’s a conversation being carried
on by a man and his wife, son,”
growled his dad.
—Cincinnati Enquirer.
* * *
Men who boast
That they know wimmen
Often get
The biggest trimmin\
— Evelyn Love Cooper in Judge*
* * *
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
The vicar was paying a visit to the
houses of his poorer parishioners, and
in one of the houses he asked a good
many questions about the family. A
* * *
Prospect: “I can’t see you today;
come back Friday.”
Salesman: “I won’t be in town Fri
day.”
Prospect: “Neither will I.”
■
* * *
“There is no difficulty in this world
that cannot be overcome,” says the
Thames magistrate. Has he ever tried
Enhanced Scans © The International' Arcade Museum
very grubby but very cheerful little
boy attracted the kindly cleric’s at
tention, and he asked him his name.
“Reginald d’Arcy Smif, sir,” replied
the boy, with a grin.
The vicar turned to the boy’s
father.
“What made you give the boy a
name like that?” he asked.
_
“ ’Cause I want ’im ter be a pro
fessional boxer,” returned the parent,
“and wiv a name like that he’ll get
plenty o’ practice at school.”
— Tatler.
* &
Servant (to lion-tamer in cage):
“Your tailor is here with his bill.”
Lion-Tamer: “Tell him to come in.”
* * *
“Yassah,” said old Link, “business
very good. Done bought a pig fo’
$10, traded pig fo’ abarrer, barrer fo’
a calf, calf fo’ a bicycle, and sol’ de
bicycle fo’ $10!”
“But yo’ don’ make nothin’, Link! ”
“Sho’ ’nough, but look at de busi
ness Ah been doin’.”
ifc * *
IT NEEDS NO EINSTEIN
“What gives you the impression
that Jack and Betty are engaged?”
“She has a ring and he’s broke.”
—Boston Transcript.
* * *
He is not drunk who, from the floor
Can rise again and drink some more;
But he is drunk who prostrate lies,
And cannot drink or cannot rise.
-—Eugene Field.
* * *
OR WAS IT TROPICAL FISH
Guest: “Shay, thish punch is getting
awful weak.”
Host: “Be careful there. You’re
dipping your cup into the gold fish
bowl.”
■ ■
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