Automatic Age

March, 1940
AUTOMATIC AGE
88
*
OM£X <
“Do you hit the ceiling when H ub­
by comes home drunk?" asked the
blonde. A nd the wifey snapped, “No.
He just throws me against the wall.”
“ Heavens, tell a risque story to
Marge and she doesn’t even blush?”
“ Is she sophisticated?”
“ No, anaemic.”
D O W N H IS A L L E Y
Blonde— That handsome fellow on
the right is a bowling champion.
Brunette— Yes, he saw our pins
and now he wants to bowl us over.
PLEA SED T o ” M EET YOU
Gal— W hy don’t you give that beg­
gar some money?
Youth— I know him personally. He
has more money than I have.
Gal— H m m ! Could you introduce
A G O O D SCOUT
“ My wife ran away with a boy
scout leader.”
“ W asn’t that a violation of the boy
scout’s oath?”
“ Oh, no, he did me a good tu r n !”
A gal wears shorts when she can't
play tennis, a bathing suit when she
can't swim, but when she puts on a
wedding gown she means business.
BOOM!
Assistant— I like to find out what
makes things tick.
Boss— Fine, start to work on this
package that’s teen ticking ever since
the mail man delivered it.
F IL L ’E R U P !
Gas Station Attendant— This high
test gas will stop all knocking in your
car, sir.
Motorist— Thanks. I ’ll put a spoon­
ful in my wife’s’ coffee tomorrow
morning.
— o—
W ifey— Marie, don’t you think my
husband is a dimwit.
Marie— Oui, madame, he ees veree
amusing in ze dark!
— o—
“ Honey, do you know what you
can get from germs?”
“ No, dopey, what have you got to
offer?”
Joy offers her idea of the H olly­
wood version: Closeups make the
“ Aw, come on, honey. They tell
me you kiss every man you see.”
“Yes? W ell, I can’t quite see you!”
“ How do you play hockey?”
“Well, I play it with three large
gilt balls.”
Handsome— Cutie, is it true that
you’ve got the best curves of any
girl in this show?
Beautiful— Search me!
We tell of the
band who happily
unfe had given up
he found so many
the house.
unsuspecting hus­
declared that his
cigarettes, because
cigar butts around
T H E R IG H T M AN
He— Girlie, when I walk up to a
piano, they don’t laugh.
She— I know; you’re a musical ge­
nius.
'
He— W rong again. I ’m the install­
ment collector.
“And I suppose, baby, that you al­
ways take the bitter with the sweet.”
“ Sure, you dope, how else can you
mix cocktails?”
— o—
Pete— My wife doesn’t understand
me, does yours?
John— I don’t know.
I ’ve never
even heard her mention your name.
“ Do you find your new husband
any different from your old one?”
“ No. I use the same detective
agency.”
© International Arcade Museum
FRESH
“ I like the fresh viewpoint with
which Joe A rtist approaches the art
of painting.”
“ H uh! I don’t. I ’m his model.”
“No wonder I'm, sick of m arriage!
Tommy hasn't kissed me once since
the honeymoon."
“ Why not divorce him ?"
“But Tommy isn’t my husband!”
He— D arling, I ’m crazy to hold you
close, crazy to kiss you, crazy to car­
ess you—
She— Then do something about it,
you idiot!
-0-
Maybe a g irl doesn't like a m a n s
ways, but she can always stand his
means.
D O C T O R ’S O R D E R S
Cutie — Doctor, I ’m kept awake
night after night by a terrible Pa”^
in the neck. W hat do you suggest.
Doctor— Send him home early and
then call me.
OH, Y E A H
Dentist— A nd what did your wife
say when you staggered home at
daum?
P atient—Nothing much, and I was
going to have those teeth taken o u t,
anyway.
“ Honey, we’re going to have a
swell time tonight. I have two tickets
to a lecture.”
“ B ut I hate lectures.”
“ Yes, but your mother and father
love ’em.”
AND H O W L
She— Do you remember the day we
stood before the preacher! You acted
like you were crazy.
He— I w as!
A dancer w ith good legs can a lw a y s
make pin money.
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