Automatic Age

Issue: 1940 March

March, 1940
AUTOMATIC AGE
88
*
OM£X <
“Do you hit the ceiling when H ub­
by comes home drunk?" asked the
blonde. A nd the wifey snapped, “No.
He just throws me against the wall.”
“ Heavens, tell a risque story to
Marge and she doesn’t even blush?”
“ Is she sophisticated?”
“ No, anaemic.”
D O W N H IS A L L E Y
Blonde— That handsome fellow on
the right is a bowling champion.
Brunette— Yes, he saw our pins
and now he wants to bowl us over.
PLEA SED T o ” M EET YOU
Gal— W hy don’t you give that beg­
gar some money?
Youth— I know him personally. He
has more money than I have.
Gal— H m m ! Could you introduce
A G O O D SCOUT
“ My wife ran away with a boy
scout leader.”
“ W asn’t that a violation of the boy
scout’s oath?”
“ Oh, no, he did me a good tu r n !”
A gal wears shorts when she can't
play tennis, a bathing suit when she
can't swim, but when she puts on a
wedding gown she means business.
BOOM!
Assistant— I like to find out what
makes things tick.
Boss— Fine, start to work on this
package that’s teen ticking ever since
the mail man delivered it.
F IL L ’E R U P !
Gas Station Attendant— This high
test gas will stop all knocking in your
car, sir.
Motorist— Thanks. I ’ll put a spoon­
ful in my wife’s’ coffee tomorrow
morning.
— o—
W ifey— Marie, don’t you think my
husband is a dimwit.
Marie— Oui, madame, he ees veree
amusing in ze dark!
— o—
“ Honey, do you know what you
can get from germs?”
“ No, dopey, what have you got to
offer?”
Joy offers her idea of the H olly­
wood version: Closeups make the
“ Aw, come on, honey. They tell
me you kiss every man you see.”
“Yes? W ell, I can’t quite see you!”
“ How do you play hockey?”
“Well, I play it with three large
gilt balls.”
Handsome— Cutie, is it true that
you’ve got the best curves of any
girl in this show?
Beautiful— Search me!
We tell of the
band who happily
unfe had given up
he found so many
the house.
unsuspecting hus­
declared that his
cigarettes, because
cigar butts around
T H E R IG H T M AN
He— Girlie, when I walk up to a
piano, they don’t laugh.
She— I know; you’re a musical ge­
nius.
'
He— W rong again. I ’m the install­
ment collector.
“And I suppose, baby, that you al­
ways take the bitter with the sweet.”
“ Sure, you dope, how else can you
mix cocktails?”
— o—
Pete— My wife doesn’t understand
me, does yours?
John— I don’t know.
I ’ve never
even heard her mention your name.
“ Do you find your new husband
any different from your old one?”
“ No. I use the same detective
agency.”
© International Arcade Museum
FRESH
“ I like the fresh viewpoint with
which Joe A rtist approaches the art
of painting.”
“ H uh! I don’t. I ’m his model.”
“No wonder I'm, sick of m arriage!
Tommy hasn't kissed me once since
the honeymoon."
“ Why not divorce him ?"
“But Tommy isn’t my husband!”
He— D arling, I ’m crazy to hold you
close, crazy to kiss you, crazy to car­
ess you—
She— Then do something about it,
you idiot!
-0-
Maybe a g irl doesn't like a m a n s
ways, but she can always stand his
means.
D O C T O R ’S O R D E R S
Cutie — Doctor, I ’m kept awake
night after night by a terrible Pa”^
in the neck. W hat do you suggest.
Doctor— Send him home early and
then call me.
OH, Y E A H
Dentist— A nd what did your wife
say when you staggered home at
daum?
P atient—Nothing much, and I was
going to have those teeth taken o u t,
anyway.
“ Honey, we’re going to have a
swell time tonight. I have two tickets
to a lecture.”
“ B ut I hate lectures.”
“ Yes, but your mother and father
love ’em.”
AND H O W L
She— Do you remember the day we
stood before the preacher! You acted
like you were crazy.
He— I w as!
A dancer w ith good legs can a lw a y s
make pin money.
http://www.arcade-museum.com/
March, 1940
89
AUTOMATIC AGE
Today’s Products Are Obsolete!
R adically New Products Needed to Stim ulate
Production, Sales and Em ploym ent
Cleveland, Ohio— To help manufac­
turers speed recovery, absorb the un­
employed, and prepare now for the
post - war competition of foreign
manufacturers, by the introduction
of improved and radically new prod­
ucts that present advanced thought
in function, convenience and ap­
pearance, is claimed for a three-
production service termed a Master
Products Service, inaugurated by
Designers for Industry, Inc., an in ­
dustrial design and engineering or­
ganization of this city, according to
announcement by Chas. H. Oppen-
heimer, its president.
In making the announcement Mr.
Oppenheimer states that the master
Products service involves the applica­
tion of the scientific principles of
modern product research, engineer-
'Ug development and product styling
for the development of radical im ­
provements that will create a definite
obsolescence factor in existing
Products.
“As a matter of fact,” he declared,
in view of potent'alities it is obvious
that a large percentage of today’s
Products are already obsolete. There
1S little difference in the service pei'-
formance or appearance of many com­
petitive products. Buyers are not,
ln most lines, being furnished with
sufficient inducement to make new or
^placem ent sales. Unlimited oppor­
tunities await those manufacturers
wbo anticipate consumer require­
ments and furnish the radically im ­
proved products necessary to meet
them.
of their products, nor upon product
styling or industrial design as a con­
structive stimulant in marketing.
“ Manufacturers as a rule have
ignored the factor of obsolescence
as a powerful trade stim ulant and
business-builder,” he continued, “as
so forcefully demonstrated by the
new life and activity in the auto­
motive, office and store equipment,
and some divisions of the domestic
appliance fields, and especially in
the machine tool field, — in all of
which radically improved products
have increased sales and employment
to a marked degree. Immediate pub­
lic acceptance of today’s smart auto­
mobiles, flourescent lighting, pianos,
electric razors, nylon fabric hosiery,
streamlined typewriters and products
of synthetic plastics, and the adop­
tion by industry of new alloys,
finishes and processes, furnish ample
proof that radically improved or prac­
tical new products will find immediate
consumer response.
“ However,” he points out, “few
of the more than 100,000 active plants
that constitute American industry,
have the facilities, personnel or means
that have enabled the automotive,
steel, and chemical industries and a
few outstanding manufacturers to
create the radically new materials or
products that experience has shown
are assured of immediate public ac­
ceptance.
“ Furthermore, but few manufac­
turers have the facilities for keep­
ing abreast of the constant new de­
velopments in all materials, processes,
products and finishes, noteworthy ex­
amples of which are found in the
beryllium alloys, silicon bronzes, tel­
lurium-copper alloys, silver and lead
alloy steels, one-coat one-fire porce­
lain enameling, flame gouging, in fra ­
red ray drying, m a g n e s i u m alloys, im ­
proved grey iron castings, glass and
synthetic fabrics, and the scores of
other material and product develop­
ments that pave the way for the
radically new products that will sti­
mulate production and sales.
.
“ The iMaster Products Service was
created to overcome the handicaps
that confront all but the very largest
of organizations, to give them the
benefits accruing from scientific m ar­
ket research, the latest engineering
technique, and the selling force in­
herent in artistic and correct func­
tional design.
“ To these manufacturers, Ameri­
ca’s employed 35,000,000 wage earn­
ers offer a healthy, profitable m ar­
ket. And it is noteworthy that in
spite of economic conditions, the pre­
sent income earners will spend genei*-
ously for new things, provided the
new things have a distinctive new
appeal — refinement, beauty, greater
utility, convenience, simplified opera­
tion,— individually or in combination
that will automatically put the “ out
of date” stamp on existing products.
There will be no unemployment prob­
lems when industry as a whole grasps
the significance of not only keeping
its products up-to-date, but, let us
say, a little ahead of expressed de­
mands.”
M o d e rn ’s M o d e rn Offices
"^be situation is aggravated by
e fact that fully fifty per cent
° the products in use today are in-
®0rrectly designed. This is largely
Ue to the fact that many manufac-
Urers have failed to utilize impar-
product research to determine
Sei requirements, character and
° f competing products, pos-
low ^ GS
better products and
ei production costs made possible
y substitute materials, and market
ized n^ a^ t ies; ^bey have not capital-
^.e upon modern engineering tech-
thqUe and new materials to improve
e mechanical and service features
© International Arcade Museum
A view of the new general offices of Modern Vending Company
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