Presto

luiv 28, 1928
PRESTO-TIMES
NEW TERRITORY FOR
TRAVELER SWANITZ
Widely Known Road Man for the Kohler Industries
to Serve Territory Vacated by W. F. Allen.
THINGS SAID O R SUGGESTED
DANGERS OF
SUBSTITUTION
John Hart, the Barnett, Mo., dealer, who was a
trade visitor to Chicago this week, as usual dropped
into Presto-Times offices to give his cheery "howdy!"
The inevitable trade talk turned to the unpleasant
circumstances in a recent instance of piano substitu-
tion by a dealer. Some one voiced regret at the un-
fortunate consequences associated with it, and the
words reminded Mr. Hart of a story illustrating the
possibilities of exposure of the exploiter of a sub-
stitute.
"You might call it the farce-tragedy of Bill Allen
and Jane Sparrow," began the Missouri man. "Bill
sold pianos, organs and sewing machines for me; reg-
ular standard goods, mind you. Jane was a milliner
in—no matter where. She's still doing business at
the old stand, so why locate her? They were en-
gaged for years. Then a fuss at a dance in Versailles
during the Morgan County Fair parted them for
keeps.
So Jane wrote to Bill and demanded the lock of
hair she had given him in the dear dead days. In re-
ply Bill asked for the return of the diamond engage-
ment ring and duly enclosed a lock of hair.
"Miss Sparrow in reply said the lock of hair sent
by Bill was not hers. And the fact, she commented,
confirmed her suspicious as to his philandering na-
ture. But Bill came back by disclaiming all respon-
sibility for the genuineness of the lock of hair. He
was positive it was the one she gave him.
That put the ball up to Jane, for whom the mails
were too slow. She wired: 'I have received your last
statement about the lock of hair. It is false.'
"Thereupon Bill in a letter acknowledging receipt
of telegram said: 'I accept your word for it, although
you were under no obligation to make the confession.
Frankly, I admit it was a superb match. Your ad-
mission that it is false, conveyed in your telegram. i*
information I consider strictly confidential.'
"In a postscript he added. 'Do not mind returning
the ring. The sparkler in it is a stencil like the lock
of hair.' "
* * *
If you have no enemies the chances are that you
have no friends.
* * *
A GAS MASK JOB
"Have you got a piano repairman with a defective
sense of smell?" was the strange question over the
telephone this week to the Shea Music Co.. 5914 West
Madison street, Chicago.
"We've got a man here with a bad cold in the
head," answered Ray Shea. "Sense of smell tempo-
rarily suspended, you know. Practically sniffless. How
about him?"
"Fine! Shoot him over to 4230 Harvard street,
right away."
When Herman A. Malwitz, editor of a West Side
weekly newspaper in Chicago, returned' last Monday
from a business visit to Springfield, he found a car-
penter tearing up the flooring of the parlor, one
plumber's understudy devastating the kitchen sink, an-
other doing a like job in the bathroom, and two giant
laborers in red undershirts looking for trouble with
pickaxes under the basement floor.
Every window and door in the bungalow was wide
open and on the sidewalk a mob of wide-eyed chil-
dren craned their necks for a peep within. Three
scared children clung to Mrs. Malwitz's skirts as she
tearfully watched the carpenter in fearful expectation
of some horrible discovery.
"How, now! Is this a plain earthquake or a
snooping stunt by Col. Volstead?" gasped Mr. Mal-
witz, as he entered unannounced on the noisy opera-
tions. "What's all the devastation for? Say," he
commanded frantically, "call off that wrecking crew
and tell me what's it all about?"
"Oh, something awful has happened. I know
somebody has been murdered and a body hidden
here," was the frightened explanation of Mrs. Mal-
witz.
"Murdered?" was the horrified echo of the news-
paper man.
"Yes, mu-u-rdered, and secreted here. Don't you
get the horrible odor?" asked the wife.
"Odor? Whew! I should say yes. I can hang
my hat on the thickness of it. How long has it been
here?"
"Ever since Thursday, the day you went to Spring-
field, and it grows worse every day. Open those win-
dows again or I'll faint," was Mrs. Malwitz's mur-
mured request as she sank back on a couch.
"I wouldn't wonder at it," said her husband sympa-
thetically as he complied. "Say, carpenter, get busy
and rip up all the floors. Whee-ew! Now I know
what a battlefield smells like the day after."
"That's right," asserted the carpenter as he tore
at a length of flooring. "It beats a limberger cheese
factory a thousand miles."
"Cheese?" shouted Mr. Malwitz, discard : ng the
smell-deadening sofa pillow he was holding to his
face. "Cheese? Why sure."
He rushed over to the piano, witli the light of
understanding in his eyes and a great relief in his
heart. "Yes," he said as he l : fted the top and took
a disgusted whiff, "the corpse is here and I guess I
am the repentant criminal who did the midnight deed."
Standing on a chair he reached his arm down into
the bowels of the upright piano and brought to light
a mushy package of limburger cheese.
" 'Twas dark here when I got home the night before
1 left for the capital and I remember I laid the smell-
maker on the piano while removing my overcoat,"
was his explanation. "The lid must have been open
and the package possibly fell in. The heat did the
rest. Go ahead and nail on that flooring while I go
out to hunt up a piano tuner with a gas mask."
* * *
Circumstances alter cases—in the piano repair shop.
Oscar G. Swanitz, widely known traveler for the
Kohler Industries, New York, has been appointed rep-
resentative in the territory covered by William F.
Allen, who resigned from road duties last week.
Mr. Swanitz has had experience as traveler that
OSCAR SWANITZ.
covers practically the entire country and his judg-
ment in piano matters is recognized by dealers. In his
new southern section he will only be renewing friend-
ships formed in former years.
OPERA MANAGER WRITES.
"It is now more than two months since the first
season of the Royal Opera in Rome closed, but the
work of three Chicago Civic Opera artists is still the
most potent topic of conversation in Italian musxal
circles," says Herbert M, Johnson, manager Chicago
Civic Opera, writing from Milan.
"The Royal Opera was very successful financially.
Much of this was due to Claudia Muzio, Tito Schipa
and Toti Dal Monte. Miss Muzio did not arrive in
Rome until after the Chicago Civic Opera tour had
closed and she was heard in only a few performances
but these were among the best attended of the entire
season. Toti Dal Monte, who certainly has the finest
coloratura voice in the world today, was also an out-
standing success. The Italians love the coloratura
roles and they could find no one anywhere better
equipped to sing them than our own Toti. As for
Schipa. he is just as much a favorite in Rome and
elsewhere in Italy as he is in Chicago—need we
say more?"
BOWEN PIANO LOADER HELPS SAI
Outside Salesmen must be equipped so as to "show the goods." The season for country piano selling is approaching. Help your sales-
men by furnishing them with the New Bowen Piano Loader, which serves as a wareroom far from the store. It is the only safe
delivery system for dealers, either in city or country. It costs little. Write for particulars.
BOWEN PIANO LOADER CO.,
Winston-Salem, N. C.
Enhanced content © 2008-2009 and presented by MBSI - The Musical Box Society International (www.mbsi.org) and the International Arcade Museum (www.arcade-museum.com).
All Rights Reserved. Digitized from the archives of the MBSI with support from NAMM - The International Music Products Association (www.namm.org).
Additional enhancement, optimization, and distribution by the International Arcade Museum. An extensive collection of Presto can be found online at http://www.arcade-museum.com/library/