Music Trade Review

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MUSIC TRADE
REVIEW
IN LIGHTER VEIN
ON SHIPBOARD.—Mental Healer—Do you want our prayers?
Seasick Mr. Newthought—Just a few silent waves is all 1 ask.
NOT A MUSICIAN.—''What is a man called who plays a saxophone?"
"You mean what does he call himself or what do his hearers call him?"
A KING'S OPPORTUNITY.—If George V. wishes to follow up his
revision of the coronation oath with another good hit he will fire the
poet laureate.—St. Louis Post-Despatch.
A SLIGHT MISTAKE.—"See here, did you tell Von Clubber 1 was
the worst liar you ever met?"
"Not much, old chap; I told him you were the best."
. WILLIE KNEW.—"Willie," said the teacher, "can you tell me what
happens when a man's temperature goes down as far as it can do?"
"Please, mum," replied Willie, "he would have cold feet."
DESPERATE.—"My brother has just written a poem which he thinks
will outlive him," said the man in the newspaper office.
"It certainly will if he brings it in here!" said the lighting editor.
A WONDERFUL CLOCK.—Antique Furniture Dealer—An eight-day
clock that is, madam; goes eight days without winding.
Customer—Good gracious! And how long will it go if you do wind it?
HIS VIEW.—Tailor—Sir, I have made clothes for some of the best
houses.
Customer—Maybe they will fit a house. They certainly won't fit a
man.
SINCE SHE ASKED.—Sue—Don't you know, George kissed me at the
door last night twice before I could stop him !
Mae—Gracious ! What cheek !
Sue—Both.
THE SAFEST.—"Young man going in for fox hunting wants to know
how to take the fence without injuring himself," said the assistant.
"Tell him to take it with a camera," growled the busy man, without
looking up.
UNFORTUNATE.—"I am so unfortunate," she said, impressively, and
confidentially, "as to possess the gift of divining exactly what every one
thinks of me."
He (absent-mindedly)—"That is unfortunate, indeed."
ONLY SLIGHTLY MISQUOTED.—"So he said I was a polished gen-
tleman, did he?"
"Well, yes; it was the same thing, 1 suppose."
"Ah, what were the exact words?"
"He said you were a slippery fellow."
NO EXCHANGEABLE.—Nurse—Well, Bobby, if you don't want
your new sister, maybe we can get the doctor to exchange her for a little
brother.
Bobby— ; No, 1 don't believe he would do it now. You see, we've used
her for four days.—Cincinnati Post.
A STRATAGEM.—"Crimson Gulch made a wonderful showing in its
census figures."
"Yes," replied Bronco Bob. "We took care of that. Three-finger Sam
was the census taker. We gave him unlimited credit at the Pink Paradise
saloon and taak care that he never went to work until he was seein' at least
double."
SHOCKING FATALITY.—They picked him up tenderly, and a mo-
mentary silence fell over the crowd* as they made way for the bearers of
the body.
"What was the cause?" asked a curious person.
"He heard a subway guard say 'Take your time,' explained the Man on
the Spot.
.
THE CASUS BELLI.—One day a Scotch and English boy, who were
fighting, were separated by their respective mothers with difficulty, the
Scotch boy, though the smaller, being far the more pugnacious. "What
•garred ye ficht a big laddie like that for?" said the mother as she wiped
the blood from his nose. "And I'll fight him again," said the boy, "if he
says Scotsmen wear kilts because their feet are too big to get into trousers."
MINOR PREMISES.—A minister being sent to officiate one Sunday
at a country parish was accommodated at night in the manse in a very
diminutive apartment, instead of. the usual best bedroom appropriated to
strangers.
"Is this the bedroom?" he said, starting back in amazement.
"'Deed, ay, sir; this is the prophet's chamber."
"'.It must be for thv minor prophets, then," said the discomfited parson.
An Aid to Every
Dealer Selling
Player Pianos
T
HE new tabloid magazine, designated
The Player Monthly, is growing stead-
ily in favor.
Dealers are finding it the most helpful litera-
ture ever put forth, for there is no other source
from which specific information may be gained
for the general instruction and education of
player pianists.
If the interest in the player piano is to be
upheld, then the dealers and manufacturers
must see to it that the affection of the owners
of player pianos does not languish.
Every player piano should be a live piano—
and it can be so maintained by keeping the
attention of the owner focalized upon the mar-
velous possibilities of the instrument. The
Player Monthly will do intelligent, helpful
work. Some dealers have purchased copies by
the hundred for distribution among their
clients.
It appeals directly to the owners and users
of player pianos.
Constant educational work must be carried
on, and there is no other magazine in the world
devoted exclusively to player work.
Every issue of The Player Monthly contains
information worth ten times its annual cost.
To those who have received three copies no
further numbers will be mailed unless orders
are sent in to the publisher.
To all readers of The Music Trade Review
who have not had the opportunity of becoming
acquainted with this helpful literature we shall
be pleased to send a copy upon application.
This newspaper institution is conceded to be
the technical authority upon the player piano.
SINGLE COPIES FIVE CENTS
BY THE YEAR FIFTY CENTS
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK