Automatic Age

FU NN Y
ANY
B O N E T IC K L E R S
S I M I L A R I T Y TD P E R S O N S L I V I N G
IS P UR E L Y I NT ENTI ONAL
The song of the day is— “Aw,
leave us a loan.”
Short, Short Story!
Out on a picnic, Henry tries
to whip in the “first kiss.” How
she struggles! “No, no! You
mustn’t! I wouldn’t want you
to think I was that kind!” What
does he do? He is abashed. He
blushes. She starts planning her
trousseau.
Florist's Proposal
“ D A IS Y , you’re gorgeous;
I ’ve never ZINNIA look so beau­
tiful! Be mine. I ’ll VINE you
and dine you. If I said I could
live without you I ’d LILAC hell.
Yes, I know the millionaires are
after you in PHLOX, but you
wouldn’t M A R IG O L D , would
you? Be my own little PAS­
SION FLOWER and we’ll never
POT. You must ask your moth­
er first? Then PETUNIA hat
and coat and go home and
ASTER. When we’re married
you can have everything you
want—VIOLET you have any­
thing. We’ll sail abroad; we’ll
take a ship to some FERN port.
So pack your things tonight,
SWEET PEA, and don’t forget
your little lace-trimmed PAN­
SIES*
Fam iliar Te rrito ry
First Gigolo: “I made ten
bucks petting with that fat
widow Parks. But it was a lot
of work.”
Second Gigolo: “I know. I
once had a job along those same
lines.”
Overheard in a court room as
curvaceous plaintiff was being
cross-examined: “She could win
this case with one leg tied be­
hind her back.”
Movie director: “I ’m afraid
this scene won’t get by the cen­
sors--- two in a tub isn’t sani­
tary.”
Old Bartender: “Motoring is
surely a great thing. I used to
be fat and sluggish before the
motoring craze, but now I ’m
spry and energetic.”
Friend: “Why, I didn’t know
you motored.”
0. B.: “I don’t. I dodge.”
Teacher: “Johnny, give me an
example of rigid economy.”
Johnny: “A dead Scotchman.”
Sailor: “This is the quarter
deck.”
Sweetie: “How wonderful.
Now let’s see the fifty cent
kind.”
Sailor: “You look like a sen­
sible girl. Let’s get married.”
Jane: “Nothing doing. I ’m
just as sensible as I look.”
A d vice to r Shy G irls
“Laugh at his jokes; fall for
his gags — even the lemons.
When my John pulled the old
mouse routine, I screamed in
terror: “Oh! Never frighten me
like that! I ’m such a poor, help­
less, frail little child.” And
clutched him in my arms to
show him how really frightened
I was.
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© International Arcade Museum
AUTOMATIC AGE
DR
DEAD
Gloria: “I could have married
anyone I pleased.”
Betty: “Well, why are you
still single?”
Gloria: “I guess I never
pleased anyone.”
“I finally dated Clara Belle
last night, and as I left, she let
me kiss her good-night.”
“Good work, old man.”
“Yes, it was nice going.”
Camp recreation center direc­
tor to bump-dancer: “Ye gods!
The soldiers expect you to play
an accordion.”
She: “Gee, I almost had the
hide taken off because of my
sun-bathing.”
He: “I ’ll bet the sun was boil­
ing hot!”
She: “No, but my old man
was.”
Mrs. Newlywed: “Darling,
I’m afraid I ’ve put too much
milk in those potatoes.”
Mr. Newlywed: “Oh, well,
we’ll drink them then.”
Judge: “Who was driving
when you hit that car?”
Drunk
(triu m p h a n tly ) :
“None of us, we were all in th’
back seat.”
Son: “Say, ma, that apple I
just ate had a worm in it, and I
ate that too.”
M a: “What? Here, drink this
water and wash it down.”
Jr.: “Aw let ’im walk down.”
November, 1941
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