Automatic Age

18
November, 1937
AUTOMATIC AGE
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t f it m
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We know a steno who used
“Well, old man, do you be­
to pet by the hour until her boss lieve in the survival of the fit­
test?”
hired her by the week.
* * *
“Certainly not,” said the lit­
No matter how many tricks tle man, without a smile. “I
friends try to play on newly­ don’t believe in the survival of
weds, they are seldom caught anybody. I ’m an undertaker.”
napping.
*
*
*
* * *
Freshman: “ Some upper
Chorus Chatter
classman
was just telling me
4th Kicker: “They tell me
that
we
are
to have a new con­
that to get a good part in pic­
crete
stadium
next fall.”
tures you’ve got to know how
Sophomore:
“Yes, the alum­
to act.”
ni
have
at
last
decided to use
5th Kicker: “Yes, you’ve got
their
heads.”
to act as if you enjoyed the
# * *
director’s petting.”
*
*
*
It’s no sign that drinking is
on the increase when girls come
out of places that their fathers
formerly frequented.
*
*
*
A gigolo agency is about the
only place where a woman al­
ways pays.
*
*
*
Coed: “I never kiss strang­
ers.”
He: “I ’m twenty-one years
old and weigh 160 pounds. My
home is in New York and I live
with my mother and father.
I ’ve been in college two years
and expect to graduate. When
I ido, I ’ll look for work. Let’s
go.”
#
#
*
Dear Son:
This is the cliff from which
the Spartans threw their defec­
tive children. Wish you were
here.
Love,
Dad.
r
Graduate: “Professor, I have
made some money and I want
to do something for my old col­
lege. I don’t remember what
studies I excelled in.”
Professor: “In my classes
you slept most of the time.”
Graduate: “Fine! I ’ll endow
a dormitory.”
#
*
*
Splitting the Difference
Old Lady McSquatty had been
arrested for circulating a false
report that a certain lady of un­
certain age had given birth to a
baby. The prisoner claimed she
had gathered the information in
the corner store but could not
remember who she had heard
discussing it.
“Don’t you know,” admonish­
ed Judge Opus B. Ronning, “that
you should believe only half
what you hear?”
Mrs. McSquatty looked at him
beamingly.
“Sure I do, sir— and that’s
just it. The way I heard it was
that she had twins.”
*
*
*
Old maids who sleep with
windows open,
Are those who never give up
hopin’ !
*
*
*
When a Scotchman gets into a
fight, you may be sure that it’s
a free-for-all.
Operator: “Well, what do
A Perfect A lib i
you think of our little college
Abe: “You bummer! I saw
town?”
you kissink mine vife last night.
Distributor: “It certainly is
Ike: “Are you sure it was
unique.
me?”
Operator: “Whadda mean
Abe: “Veil, if it vasn’t you, it
‘unique’ ?”
vas your brodder!”
. . .
“It’s from the Latin ‘unus’,
Ike: “Heh, heh, heh!”
‘one’ and ‘equus’ ‘horse’.
Abe: “Vot are you laffink
*
*
*
at?”
Ike: “I ain’t got no brod­
Student (not very clear as to
* # #
his lesson) : “That’s what the der!”
The Scotsman who learned
author says anyway.”
Professor: “I don’t want the the Braille system to save elec­
tric light must be the guy who
author; I want you!”
Student (despairingly) :“Well said he could read his girl friend
like a book.
you’ve got me.”
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