Automatic Age

Issue: 1937 November

18
November, 1937
AUTOMATIC AGE
jm
t f it m
»
K
o N t r <■
We know a steno who used
“Well, old man, do you be­
to pet by the hour until her boss lieve in the survival of the fit­
test?”
hired her by the week.
* * *
“Certainly not,” said the lit­
No matter how many tricks tle man, without a smile. “I
friends try to play on newly­ don’t believe in the survival of
weds, they are seldom caught anybody. I ’m an undertaker.”
napping.
*
*
*
* * *
Freshman: “ Some upper
Chorus Chatter
classman
was just telling me
4th Kicker: “They tell me
that
we
are
to have a new con­
that to get a good part in pic­
crete
stadium
next fall.”
tures you’ve got to know how
Sophomore:
“Yes, the alum­
to act.”
ni
have
at
last
decided to use
5th Kicker: “Yes, you’ve got
their
heads.”
to act as if you enjoyed the
# * *
director’s petting.”
*
*
*
It’s no sign that drinking is
on the increase when girls come
out of places that their fathers
formerly frequented.
*
*
*
A gigolo agency is about the
only place where a woman al­
ways pays.
*
*
*
Coed: “I never kiss strang­
ers.”
He: “I ’m twenty-one years
old and weigh 160 pounds. My
home is in New York and I live
with my mother and father.
I ’ve been in college two years
and expect to graduate. When
I ido, I ’ll look for work. Let’s
go.”
#
#
*
Dear Son:
This is the cliff from which
the Spartans threw their defec­
tive children. Wish you were
here.
Love,
Dad.
r
Graduate: “Professor, I have
made some money and I want
to do something for my old col­
lege. I don’t remember what
studies I excelled in.”
Professor: “In my classes
you slept most of the time.”
Graduate: “Fine! I ’ll endow
a dormitory.”
#
*
*
Splitting the Difference
Old Lady McSquatty had been
arrested for circulating a false
report that a certain lady of un­
certain age had given birth to a
baby. The prisoner claimed she
had gathered the information in
the corner store but could not
remember who she had heard
discussing it.
“Don’t you know,” admonish­
ed Judge Opus B. Ronning, “that
you should believe only half
what you hear?”
Mrs. McSquatty looked at him
beamingly.
“Sure I do, sir— and that’s
just it. The way I heard it was
that she had twins.”
*
*
*
Old maids who sleep with
windows open,
Are those who never give up
hopin’ !
*
*
*
When a Scotchman gets into a
fight, you may be sure that it’s
a free-for-all.
Operator: “Well, what do
A Perfect A lib i
you think of our little college
Abe: “You bummer! I saw
town?”
you kissink mine vife last night.
Distributor: “It certainly is
Ike: “Are you sure it was
unique.
me?”
Operator: “Whadda mean
Abe: “Veil, if it vasn’t you, it
‘unique’ ?”
vas your brodder!”
. . .
“It’s from the Latin ‘unus’,
Ike: “Heh, heh, heh!”
‘one’ and ‘equus’ ‘horse’.
Abe: “Vot are you laffink
*
*
*
at?”
Ike: “I ain’t got no brod­
Student (not very clear as to
* # #
his lesson) : “That’s what the der!”
The Scotsman who learned
author says anyway.”
Professor: “I don’t want the the Braille system to save elec­
tric light must be the guy who
author; I want you!”
Student (despairingly) :“Well said he could read his girl friend
like a book.
you’ve got me.”
© International Arcade Museum
http://www.arcade-museum.com/
November, 1987
19
AUTOMATIC AGE
market for a new Rolls Royce.
You’re going to get maximum
results from your advertising
money and business is going to
boom almost as strongly as the
political capaign ads said it
would.
Now that we’ve figured out
what an ad must do, the pro­
blem of making money from
advertising should be simple.
But it isn’t. Advertising is not
a definite, precise, mathematical
science. Knowing what to do
and how to do it are two radi­
cally different things, as the
young man who had read “What
Every Young Man Should
Know” discovered.
You know that certain metal,
subjected to a pre-determined
heat and poured into moulds of
specified size will give you cast­
ings that fit into a definite, pre­
cise classification. But adver­
tising can’t be based upon pre­
cise formula, for its results de­
pend upon the reactions to it of
human beings.
And human
beings are the funniest people
in the world. Advertising can
be ALMOST right, based upon
tried and proven theories, but
it can fail to do its job because
of weakness in one minor par­
ticular.
The right kind of advertising
on a good product always clicks.
Human temperament is such that
an ad that implants the right
mental picture will produce
really miraculous sales results.
The amount of advertising any
firm should do depends on the
kind of a job the firm wants to
do and can’t possibly be deter­
mined without analysis. In
many cases too weak an adver­
tising campaign has been a
waste of money. Less often, but
occasionally, a firm spends more
money on advertising than its
factory production, distribution
financial
circumstances
and
other conditions warrant. Figure
out what you want to do on
your selling job, who you want
to reach, what you want to tell
them, how much space you’ll
need to tell them effectively, how
often you’ll need to tell them to
implant a buying urge, and
then govern yourself accordingly.
Manufacturers are not the
only people in the coin machine
business who need advertising.
Operators need it, too, perhaps
more than they realize. Maybe
they would term their need “fav­
orable publicity” rather than ad­
vertising, but it’s about the same
thing in the final analysis.
Sally Rand knew the value of
advertising. Maybe her wares
were no better than many
others, but she displayed them
attractively and created that
much-sought buying urge. In
the words of an old Penny Ar­
cade proprietor, “If you wanta
sell ‘em, you gotta tell 'em.”
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© International Arcade Museum
C H IC A G O , IL L .
M IA M I, F L A .
2200 N. W E S T E R N AVE., 1326 W. F L A G E R ST.
P IT T S B U R G , PA
1901 F IF T H
AVE.
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