Automatic Age

74
T
he
A
u t o m a t ic
A
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A Page of Fun
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Poor Opinion of Life
The doctor1 had just been visiting
an Irish patient, and as the man’s
wife was showing him out he said
to her, “ Your husband’s not so well
today, Mrs. Maloney. Is he sticking
to the simple diet I prescribed?”
“ He is not, sorr,” came the reply.
“ He says he’ll not be after starvin’
himself to death just for the sake of
livin’ a few years longer.”
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Surprises Never Cease
A man was arrested on the- charge
o f robbing another of his watch and
chain. There was so little evidence,
however, that the magistrate quickly
said, “ Discharged!” The prisoner
stood still in the dock, amazed at be­
ing given his freedom so soon.
“ You’re discharged,” repeated the
magistrate. “ You can go. You’re
free.” Still the prisoner stood star­
ing at the magistrate. “ Don’t you
u n d e r s t a n d ? You have been
acquitted. Get out!” shouted the
magistrate. “ Well,” stammered the
man, “ do I have to give him back his
watch and chain?”
A Heavenly Plan
Anyone who wishes to do so may
try Pat’s plan of getting inside the
pearly gates, but we have our serious
misgivings about the success of it.
“ Pat,” said the priest, “ how do you
expect to get into heaven if you go
on leading this wicked life and doing
no work?”
“ Sure, an’ it’s aisy, yer reverence,”
said pat. “ For when Oi doie Oi’ll
go to the gates o’ heaven, and Oi’ll
kape on shuttin’ them and openin’
thim, till St. Peter, getting impatient,
hollers out, ‘ For goodness sake,
aither come in or stay out’.”
© International Arcade Museum
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Fowl Names
The fat plumber was in a ph'1'
osophical mood.
“ There is simply no understanding
woman,” he observed.
“ Whaddye mean?” the thin car'
penter asked, just to start the con'
versation.
“ Well, for instance, a woman doe5 j
not object to being called a duck.”
“ No.”
.
“ And she even smiles if som eone
happens to ’ refer t o her as a chick' j
en.”
“ Too true.”
“ And most o f them will stand f°r
being carlled squab, broiler, or tu rtle'
doves.”
“ Yes, yes, but what’s the idea?”
“ It’s just this,” the fat plumb# i
exclaimed, “ a woman objects to be' i
ing called a hen, and a hen is the (
most useful bird of the whole b lo o m ' |
ing bunch.”
Teacher: “ Define blizzard.”
Little Boy: “ Something that goes
on inside of a chicken.”
Chicken
The minister and his bride were
preparing to eat a bite at a luncheon'
ette. They were busily engaged with
the bill of fare when the waitress*
who was a much calcimined and pe'
roxided young miss, came up to taMe
their order. Suddenly the youn#
minister looked up from the bill
fare, smiled sweetly at the waitress
and said: “ How is the chicken to'
day?”
“ Pretty good, kid,” she retorted
“ How are you?”
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