Music Trade Review

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THE MUSIC TRADE
IN LIGHTER VEIN
HIS BLUNDER.—He—Why on earth do poets almost always speak
of "wine and women" together?
She—I'm sure I don't know; it isn't very complimentary.
He—Of course not. Many wines improve with age; and most women
do not.
UNANSWERABLE.—Ethel had been visiting at a neighbor's.
"I hope you didn't take a second piece of cake, Ethel?" said her mother.
"Yes, I did, mother," replied the child, "you told me never to contra-
dict, and the lady said, 'I know you'll have another piece of cake'; so what
could I say?"
A TRACE.—The counsel for the opposition had been bullying the wit-
ness for more than an hour, when he finally asked, "Is it true there are
traces of insanity in your family?" "It would be folly to deny it," replied
the witness. "My grandfather, who was studying for the ministry, gave it
up to become a lawyer."
SHE'S A FREE LANCE.—"Would you have a pickpocket arrested
if you detected one in the act of going through your pockets?"
"With one exception."
"What's that?"
"Not if it was my wife."
DIAGNOSIS.—"Do you see that man going along with his head in
the air, sniffing with his nose?"
"Yes, I know him."
"I suppose he believes in taking in the good, pure ozone."
"No; he's hunting for a motor garage, I believe."—Tit-Bits.
A P P R O P R I A T E STYLES.—"That elocutionist believes in dressing
the part for any recitation.
"How do you mean?"
"Why, when she read the story about the sailors deserted on the lonely
island she wore a costume of maroon, and at her lecture on Celtic wit
her dress was trimmed with Irish point."—Exchange.
SILENCED THE CRITIC—Charles Simmer, when' in London, gave
a ready reply. At a dinner given in his honor, he spoke of "the ashes"
of some dead hero. "Ashes! What American English!" rudely broke in an
Englishman; "dust you mean, Mr. Sumner. We don't burn our dead in
this country." "Yet," instantly replied Mr. Sumner, with a courteous smile,
"your poet Gray tells us that 'Even in our ashes live their wonted fires.' "
The American was not criticized again that evening.
SHE WAS WRONG.—There was an oppressive silence in the parlor.
At last the desperate young lady broke out.
"George," asked she, "why don't you propose?"
"Somehow—somehow, I can't bring myself to do it, Myrtle!" blurted
the young man.
"It's only a short sentence, George."
"It's a sentence for life!"—Judge.
ROSE COLORED.—Miss Jane Addams, the brilliant head of Hull
House, said:
"We women have still much to fight for. Our battle will be long and
c'ifricult. Well, let us frankly admit it. There is nothing to be gained
by such rose-colored phrases as William White employed.
"William White's brother had killed a man in cold blood.
"'Well, William, how about your brother?' a visitor to the town asked
him one day after the trial.
" "Well," said William, 'they've put him in jail for a month.'
" 'That's rather a light sentence for a cold-blooded murder,' said the
gentleman.
" 'Yes, sir,' William admitted, 'but at the month's end they're going to
hang him.' "—Cincinnati Enquirer.
Judge Ben B. Lindsey, of the famous Denver juvenile court, said in
the course of a recent address in charity:
"Too many of us are inclined to think that, one misstep made, the boy
is gone for good. Too many of us are like the cowboy.
"An itinerant preacher preached to a cowboy audience on the 'Prodigal
Son.' He described the foolish prodigal's extravagance and dissipation; he
described his penury and his husk-eating with the swine in the sty; he
described his return, his father's loving welcome, the rejoicing, and the
preparation of the fatted calf.
"The preacher in his discourse noticed a cowboy staring at him very
hard. He thought he had made a convert, and addressing the cowboy per-
sonally, he said from the pulpit:
" 'My dear friend, what would you have done if you had had a prodigal
son returning home like that?'
" 'Me!' said the cowboy, promptly and fiercely, T'd have shot the boy
and raised the calf.'"—Detroit Free Press. —-~-
REVIEW
What
Every Dealer
Should Know
T
H A T the continued growth of the
player-piano is bringing about new
conditions and the ascendancy of this
specialized product has accentuated the de-
mand for specific information concerning it.
Where can information be gained which
will aid the player-piano business?
Think it over.
The subject interests every dealer.
Now, if interest in the player product is
permitted to languish, the player-piano in time
will be no more active than instruments of the
ordinary type.
It will be used at irregular intervals.
Interest on the part of owners of player-
pianos must at all times be stimulated.
People who have purchased them must be
acquainted with their marvelous possibilities,
and it is absurd to say that the player-piano
will take care of itself.
Education and enlightenment must be con-
stantly carried on by those directly interested.
Recognizing the demand for specific in-
formation, this trade newspaper organization
put forth The Player Monthly, and it is con-
ceded that this magazine has been doing intel-
ligent, helpful work.
Dealers have purchased The Player Month-
ly in large quantities, realizing its helpfulness
to their interests by circulating it among peo-
ple interested in player-pianos.
The cost is but a trifle.
By the year, fifty cents.
Single copies, five cents.
It is in tabloid form, and we shall take pleas-
ure in supplying sample copies free to those
who desire this aid to the player business.
Our position as specialists in this field is
conceded, for this newspaper institution is the
only one which has put forth technical and in-
structive literature relating to the player-
piano.
The Player Monthly is written in a chatty,
understandable, up-to-date vein.
Read it, and you will see just what it means
to you and your business.
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK
5