Music Trade Review

Music Trade Review -- © mbsi.org, arcade-museum.com -- digitized with support from namm.org
THE
MUSIC TRADE
REVIEW
IN LIGHTER VEIN
NEGLECTED.—A rural observer asserts that some of the mother birds
are getting to be such gadabouts that the little birds have to learn to fly by
watching the aeroplanes.
THE SUFFRAGETTE IDEA.—Mother—Oh, my child! Is he alive?
Rescuer—Yis, mum. An' if it 'd not been f'r God an' another woman,
he'd a' been run over be a sthreet car!—Toledo Blade.
THIS YEAR'S FICTION.—Seymour—'-What does Flammer do?"
Ashley—"He's a composer.'"
Seymour—"Music or fiction?"
Ashley—"Fiction ; he writes weather predictions."
NOT FAR WRONG.—"Say, paw," queried little Sylvester Snodgrass,
"what's a test case?"
"A test case, my son," replied Snodgrass, Sr., "is a case brought in
court to decide whether there's enough in it to justify the lawyers in work-
ing up similar cases."—Lippincott's.
AGREEABLE CHANGE.—"Yes," said the meek little man at the quick-
lunch counter, "1 take my meals at a restaurant every chance I get."
"Prefer restaurant cooking to the home brand?" queried the big fellow
on the adjoining stool.
"No; can't say that I do," replied the meek little man. "But I can give
orders at a restaurant."
CARRYING HIS AUDIENCE WITH HIM—Nobody was more
witty or more bitter than Lord Ellenborough. A young lawyer, trembling
with fear, rose to make his first speech, and began: "My lord, my unfor-
tunate client
My lord, my unfortunate client
My lord
"
"Go on, sir; go on!" said Lord Ellenborough, "as.far as you have pro-
ceeded hitherto the court is entirely with you."
We are sorry to announce that we shall have to withdraw our offer of a
piano as a premium to new subscribers, but the fact is, our wife fell in love
with the piano and got a music man to teach her to play, and now she says
that she wants it herself. But the washboard and clothes-wringer premiums
still go, as our good lady says she doesn't want either of them.—Millville
Banner.
A teacher had told a class of juvenile pupils that Beethoven, the com-
poser, was deaf. The next day she asked if any of them could remember
what Beethoven's great affliction was. "Yes'm," replied one little fellow, "he
was a composer."
TOO MUCH FOR THE BIRD.—A trained ostrich recently discon-
certed its exhibitor at a music hall by continually endeavoring to break away
from all restraint and to climb over the footlights into the orchestra.
The widely-advertised act came to a sudden end, and the professor
emerged from behind the curtain and apologized for the actions of his pet
in about these words:
"Lydies and gentlemen—Hi ham very sorry to disappoint you this heven-
iug. We are compelled to cease our hengagement until the management
hcngages a new horchestra leader.
"The one at present employed 'ere 'as no 'air on top of 'is 'ead, and my
bird takes it for a hegg."—Detroit News-Tribune.
A GRACEFUL INTRODUCTION.—It was Mr. Swan's first experience
as chairman of the entertainment committee, with the task of introducing
the lecturer of the evening, and he was, to use his own words, "a trifle
flustered."
The buzz of conversation which had filled the hall ceased as Mr. Swan
squeaked on to the platform, and the groups of villagers dissolved and sank
decorously on the benches.
'"This, ladies and gentlemen, is the evening for our lecture on 'How to
Kimw tiie Bushes.'" said .Mr. Swan, waving his hand over his shoulder
toward the visitor.
"It's now a quarter before eight, and I just asked the gentleman who is
to address you whether we'd better let the folks enjoy themselves a few
minutes longer or whether he'd begin right off. and he thought he would. I
therefore now present to you Prof. Greenlore."
A LATIN TRAGEDY.—He was a British working man, and he had so
many children that he used to call the roll before Sunday's dinner, to make
sure they were all there.
'"Erbert!" he cried, as his wife brought on the steaming joint.
'"Ere, pa!"
'"Orace!"
"'Ere, pa!"
'"Ezekiah!"_
'"Ere, pa!"
'"Enery !"
'Enery, who had just reached the seventh standard, decided to show off.
"'Adsum !'' he bawled.
For a few moments father regarded him with baleful eyes.
'
"Oh, you've 'ad some, 'ave yer?" he growled at last. "Well, you jist
git away then, an' make room for them as ain't!"—Answers,
An Aid to Every
Dealer Selling
Player Pianos
T
HE new tabloid magazine, designated
The Player Monthly, is growing stead-
ily in favor.
Dealers are finding it the most helpful litera-
ture ever put forth, for there is no other source
from which specific information may be gained
for the general instruction and education of
player pianists.
If the interest in the player piano is to be
upheld, then the dealers and manufacturers
must see to it that the affection of the owners
of player pianos does not languish.
Every player piano should be a live piano—
and it can be so maintained by keeping the
attention of the owner focalized upon the mar-
velous possibilities of the instrument. The
Player Monthly will do intelligent, helpful
work. Some dealers have purchased copies by
the hundred for distribution among their
clients.
It appeals directly to the owners and users
of player pianos.
Constant educational work must be carried
on, and there is no other magazine in the world
devoted exclusively to player work.
Every issue of The Player Monthly contains
information worth ten times its annual cost.
To those who have received three copies no
further numbers will be mailed unless orders
are sent in to the publisher.
To all readers of The Music Trade Review
who have not had the opportunity of becoming
acquainted with this helpful literature we shall
be pleased to send a copy upon application.
This newspaper institution is conceded to be
the technical authority upon the player piano.
SINGLE COPIES FIVE CENTS
BY THE YEAR FIFTY CENTS
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK