Music Trade Review

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TH
MUSIC TRADE
REVIEW
IN LIGHTER VEIN
HER METHOD.—"Ida gets every prize in our bridge club."
"The best player, is she?"
"No, the worst adder."—Life.
HE KNEW RIGHT OFF.—Mrs. Hardup (pausing in her writing)-
What is that word for people who come after us?"
Hardup—Bill collectors, my dear.
A HARD GAME.—"I've just been having a tussle with the dentist."
"Ah! Who came off best?"
"Oh—er—it was a draw!"
RESPONSIBILITY.—"So your son in London is a director at the
stores. That's a very responsible position."
Yessir; 'e 'as to direct the customers what get lost."—Tatler.
A FORMALITY.—"How's your birthday party coming on, Tommie?"
"Finely. I've asked aU the buys and girls, and they've promised to
come. All I've got to do now is to ask mamma if I can have it."
CORDIAL AGREEMENT.—Father (meditating on time's changes)-
Ah. yes, the fashion of this world passeth away."
Daughter—Indeed it does, pap! I shall want a new hat next week.
AT THE THEATER.—"Heavens! What's that awful squawking noise,
Marie?"
"Sh! I forgot and stuck a two-foot hatpin right through my chantecler!"
GREAT TRAVELERS.—Yankee Tourist (watching Vesuvius it> erup-
tion)—Great snakes! It reminds me of Hades.
English Tourist (looking at him in atmze)—My word! You Americans
go everywhere.
NOTHING NEW.—Hodge—Some expert says tents will last twice as
long if you give them a coat of tar.
Dodge—That's nothing new. I have heard of tents being pitched all
mv life.—Cleveland News.
ESCAPE TOO EASY.—Landlord--What's that up there, sir?
New Arrival—It's my airship; there's no suitable shelter for it about
here, so I'm obliged to keep it flying up there—see?
Landlord—Yes, I see. My terms for guests with airships are cash in
advance.
THE AWFUL QUESTION.—There's a new one that the kids are ask-
ing their long-suffering parents.
Sny, mom, did you hear about them goin' to take the census over again?"
"For goodness sake! Why ?"
"To find Kelly "
CONTRADICTORY.—Mugg'ns—Women have such queer ways of ex-
pressing themselves.
Buggins—Such as ?
Muggins—Well, my wife was telling me about Miss Yellowleaf, and
said she was a sight to behold, and in the next breath said she wasn't fit
to be seen.—St. Louis St:>r.
AGAIN THE COST OF LIVING.—A young lady who taught a class
of sm ill boys in the Sunday school desired to impress on them the meaning
of returning thanks before a rmal. Turning to one* of the cfa.ss whose
father was a deacon in the church, she a^ked him:
"William, what is the first thing your father says when he sits down
to the table?"
"He snys, 'Go slow with the butter, kids; it's 40 cents a pound!'" re-
plied the youngster.—Everybody's Magazine.
EXPLAINING THE CAUSE.—There were introductions all around.
The big man stared in a puzzled way at the club guest.
"You look like a man- I've seen somewhere, Mr. Blinker," he said.
"Your face seems very familiar. I fancy you have a double. And a funny
tlrng about it is that I remember I formed a strong prejudice against the
man who looks like you—although I'm quite sure we never met."
The little guest softly laughed.
"I'm the man," he answered, "and I know why you formed the prejudice.
I passed the contribution plate for two years in the church you attended."
DECLINED WITH THANKS.—"Are you fond of etchings?" asked
the young man who had taken the hostess' pretty niece from the country
down to supper.
"As a general thing, yes," she answered, looking up into his. eyes with
an engaging frankness that threatened havoc to his heart; "but," she
added, hastily, as he started to say something pretty, "not any to-night,
thank you; it is rather late. A small piece of jelly will be sufficient."
A COMMON RELATIVE.—Mistress (to cook, as the debt-collector
goes)—That is my brother, Jessie.
Cook—Yes, I know. He was my last mistress' brother also.-
An Aid to Every
Dealer^Selling
Player Pianos
T
HE new tabloid magazine, designated
The Player Monthly, is growing stead-
ily in favor.
Dealers are finding it the most helpful litera-
ture ever put forth, for there is no other source
from which specific information may be gained
for the general instruction and education of
player pianists.
If the interest in the player piano is to be
upheld, then the dealers and manufacturers
must see to it that the affection of the owners
of player pianos does not languish.
Every player piano should be a live piano—
and it can be so maintained by keeping the
attention of the owner focalized upon the mar-
velous possibilities of the instrument. The
Player Monthly will do intelligent, helpful
work. Some dealers have purchased copies by
the hundred for distribution among their
clients.
It appeals directly to the owners and users
of player pianos.
Constant educational work must be carried
on, and there is no other magazine in the world
devoted exclusively to player work.
Every issue of The Player Monthly contains
information worth ten times its annual cost.
To those who have received three copies no
further numbers will be mailed unless orders
are sent in to the publisher.
To all readers of The Music Trade Review
who have not had the opportunity of becoming-
acquainted with this helpful literature we shall
be pleased to send a copy upon application.
This newspaper institution is conceded to be
the technical authority upon the player piano.
SINGLE COPIES FIVE CENTS
BY THE YEAR FIFTY CENTS
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK