Music Trade Review
Issue: 1910 Vol. 51 N. 1 - Page 5
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THE
MUSIC TRADE
REVIEW
IN LIGHTER VEIN
ANXIOUS FOR PARTICULARS.—"Papa, Mr. Billington says he will
kill himself unless you let him have me."
"Does he say that as a threat or a promise?"—Chicago Record-Herald.
HER PRECIOUS JEWELS.—Mrs. Subbubs (to neighbor)—Willie
and Bobbie aren't home from school yet, and here it is 5 o'clock. Did
you see anything of my precious jewels as you came along, Mr. Nexdore?
Nexdore—Your precious jewels are in soak, madam. I just saw them
swimming in the river.—Boston Transcript.
FORCE OF HABIT.—Guest (excitedly)—Why is that waiter swaying
around with his platter of dishes? The next thing that bowl of soup will
drench us!
Proprietor—Calm yourself, sir. The orchestra is playing "A Life on
the Ocean Wave," and the waiter used to be a steward on one of the
big liners.
TERENCE'S HAPPY HOME.—Father Tom—Good morning, Terence.
I hear you're a happy father. It's a son and heir, is it not?
Terence—Yes, youi riverunce, Oi thank ye. And, begorra, father, it's
me own little cabin that ripresints the United Kingdom to-day, d'ye know!
Father Tom—How's that, my boy?
Terence—Faith, now, an, isn't it Oirish I am, and my woife, sure, she's
English. The norse we have in's Scotch, and the baby wails, your river-
unce.—Scraps.
TOO READY RELIEF.—A man went into a druggist's shop and asked
for something to cure a headache. The druggist held a bottle of hartshorn
to his nose and he was overpowered by its pungency.
As soon as he recovered he began to rail at the druggist, and threat-
ened to punch his head.
"But didn't it ease your headache?" asked the apothecary.
"Ease my headache!" gasped the man. "I haven't got any headache
It's my wife that's got the headache." •
WHAT TORONTO DRINKS.—"Toronto water is so bad that they have
to strain it through a ladder to separate it from the debris. Citizens take
it out of the tap with a gimlet and treat it with a solution of chloride
of lime and sulphite of copper to remove the germs. Any germs that are
too big for this treatment they take out to the back alley and kill with a
club."
This is American humor at its choicest, and when it is delivered in
eight-line lengths, says the Glasgow Herald, there are few better kinds.
Major James W. Wadsworth, president of the board of managers of
the National Volunteer Soldiers' Home, was describing at a dinner in New
York an amiable but absent-minded veteran.
"He is so absent-minded," said Major Wadsworth, "that all sorts of
stories are current about him in Dayton.
"A Dayton man, having hired him to work about his stable and gar-
den, said one night in the barber shop:
" 'Well, Bill is a fine old soldier, but in his absent-mindedness he's
put my horse and my motorcycle both out of business.'
" 'How so?' the barber asked.
" 'Why,' said the other, 'last night he fed the horse gasolene and
filled my cycle up with oats.' "—Washington Star.
"Oratory is indeed a lost art," said "Jack" Collister the other day.
"I used to go down to the courts just to hear the lurid speeches. Nothing
doing in that line any more. The lawyers do not talk about flowers,
rainbows and sunbeams any more.
"There was a lawyer in Cleveland years ago—'Bill' Robinson was his
name—whose addresses to a jury always attracted a crowd. I will for-
ever remember one of his sentences. The man he was fighting in the suit
had a reputation as something of a miser.
" 'Who is this man, who is he?' thundered Robinson. 'You know and I
know that he boils his potatoes in widows' tears.'
"This phrase caught the jury and Robinson won his case, but one
doesn't hear any such 'oratory' as that nowadays."—Cleveland Leader.
Two burglars were on their trial and had engaged a smart lawyer
for their defense, who, on cross-examining one of the witnesses, said:
"You say that on the night in question the moon was so bright that
you could see the burglars in the room. Was your husband awake at the
time?"
Witness—I don't know.
"Was his face turned toward you or not?"
The witness answered that she did not know.
"What! You don't know? Now, ccTme; tell me, was his face turned
toward you or the wall?"
"I don't know."
"Ah, ha! thought so" (turning to the jury). "She could not see. She
who identifies the prisoners could not see which way her husband's face
was turned. Explain that if you can."
"Well, sir, my husband is so bald that in a dim light I can't tell his
face from the back of his head."Tatler.
An Aid to Every
Dealer Selling
Player Pianos
T
H E new tabloid magazine, designated
The Player Monthly, is growing stead-
ily in favor.
Dealers are finding it the most helpful litera-
ture ever put forth, for there is no other source
from which specific information may be gained
for the general instruction and education of
player pianists.
If the interest in the player piano is to be
upheld, then the dealers and manufacturers
must see to it that the affection of the owners
of player pianos does not languish.
Every player piano should be a live piano—
and it can be so maintained by keeping the
attention of the owner focalized upon the mar-
velous possibilities of the instrument. The
Player Monthly will do intelligent, helpful
work. Some dealers have purchased copies by
the hundred for distribution among their
clients.
It appeals directly to the owners and users
of player pianos.
Constant educational work must be carried
on, and there is no other magazine in the world
devoted exclusively to player work.
Every issue of The Player Monthly contains
information worth ten times its annual cost.
To those who have received three copies no
further numbers will be mailed unless orders
are sent in to the publisher.
To all readers of The Music Trade Review
who have not had the opportunity of becoming
acquainted with this helpful literature we shall
be pleased to send a copy upon application.
This newspaper institution is conceded to be
the technical authority upon the player piano.
SINGLE COPIES FIVE CENTS
BY THE YEAR FIFTY CENTS
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK
5
THE
MUSIC TRADE
REVIEW
IN LIGHTER VEIN
ANXIOUS FOR PARTICULARS.—"Papa, Mr. Billington says he will
kill himself unless you let him have me."
"Does he say that as a threat or a promise?"—Chicago Record-Herald.
HER PRECIOUS JEWELS.—Mrs. Subbubs (to neighbor)—Willie
and Bobbie aren't home from school yet, and here it is 5 o'clock. Did
you see anything of my precious jewels as you came along, Mr. Nexdore?
Nexdore—Your precious jewels are in soak, madam. I just saw them
swimming in the river.—Boston Transcript.
FORCE OF HABIT.—Guest (excitedly)—Why is that waiter swaying
around with his platter of dishes? The next thing that bowl of soup will
drench us!
Proprietor—Calm yourself, sir. The orchestra is playing "A Life on
the Ocean Wave," and the waiter used to be a steward on one of the
big liners.
TERENCE'S HAPPY HOME.—Father Tom—Good morning, Terence.
I hear you're a happy father. It's a son and heir, is it not?
Terence—Yes, youi riverunce, Oi thank ye. And, begorra, father, it's
me own little cabin that ripresints the United Kingdom to-day, d'ye know!
Father Tom—How's that, my boy?
Terence—Faith, now, an, isn't it Oirish I am, and my woife, sure, she's
English. The norse we have in's Scotch, and the baby wails, your river-
unce.—Scraps.
TOO READY RELIEF.—A man went into a druggist's shop and asked
for something to cure a headache. The druggist held a bottle of hartshorn
to his nose and he was overpowered by its pungency.
As soon as he recovered he began to rail at the druggist, and threat-
ened to punch his head.
"But didn't it ease your headache?" asked the apothecary.
"Ease my headache!" gasped the man. "I haven't got any headache
It's my wife that's got the headache." •
WHAT TORONTO DRINKS.—"Toronto water is so bad that they have
to strain it through a ladder to separate it from the debris. Citizens take
it out of the tap with a gimlet and treat it with a solution of chloride
of lime and sulphite of copper to remove the germs. Any germs that are
too big for this treatment they take out to the back alley and kill with a
club."
This is American humor at its choicest, and when it is delivered in
eight-line lengths, says the Glasgow Herald, there are few better kinds.
Major James W. Wadsworth, president of the board of managers of
the National Volunteer Soldiers' Home, was describing at a dinner in New
York an amiable but absent-minded veteran.
"He is so absent-minded," said Major Wadsworth, "that all sorts of
stories are current about him in Dayton.
"A Dayton man, having hired him to work about his stable and gar-
den, said one night in the barber shop:
" 'Well, Bill is a fine old soldier, but in his absent-mindedness he's
put my horse and my motorcycle both out of business.'
" 'How so?' the barber asked.
" 'Why,' said the other, 'last night he fed the horse gasolene and
filled my cycle up with oats.' "—Washington Star.
"Oratory is indeed a lost art," said "Jack" Collister the other day.
"I used to go down to the courts just to hear the lurid speeches. Nothing
doing in that line any more. The lawyers do not talk about flowers,
rainbows and sunbeams any more.
"There was a lawyer in Cleveland years ago—'Bill' Robinson was his
name—whose addresses to a jury always attracted a crowd. I will for-
ever remember one of his sentences. The man he was fighting in the suit
had a reputation as something of a miser.
" 'Who is this man, who is he?' thundered Robinson. 'You know and I
know that he boils his potatoes in widows' tears.'
"This phrase caught the jury and Robinson won his case, but one
doesn't hear any such 'oratory' as that nowadays."—Cleveland Leader.
Two burglars were on their trial and had engaged a smart lawyer
for their defense, who, on cross-examining one of the witnesses, said:
"You say that on the night in question the moon was so bright that
you could see the burglars in the room. Was your husband awake at the
time?"
Witness—I don't know.
"Was his face turned toward you or not?"
The witness answered that she did not know.
"What! You don't know? Now, ccTme; tell me, was his face turned
toward you or the wall?"
"I don't know."
"Ah, ha! thought so" (turning to the jury). "She could not see. She
who identifies the prisoners could not see which way her husband's face
was turned. Explain that if you can."
"Well, sir, my husband is so bald that in a dim light I can't tell his
face from the back of his head."Tatler.
An Aid to Every
Dealer Selling
Player Pianos
T
H E new tabloid magazine, designated
The Player Monthly, is growing stead-
ily in favor.
Dealers are finding it the most helpful litera-
ture ever put forth, for there is no other source
from which specific information may be gained
for the general instruction and education of
player pianists.
If the interest in the player piano is to be
upheld, then the dealers and manufacturers
must see to it that the affection of the owners
of player pianos does not languish.
Every player piano should be a live piano—
and it can be so maintained by keeping the
attention of the owner focalized upon the mar-
velous possibilities of the instrument. The
Player Monthly will do intelligent, helpful
work. Some dealers have purchased copies by
the hundred for distribution among their
clients.
It appeals directly to the owners and users
of player pianos.
Constant educational work must be carried
on, and there is no other magazine in the world
devoted exclusively to player work.
Every issue of The Player Monthly contains
information worth ten times its annual cost.
To those who have received three copies no
further numbers will be mailed unless orders
are sent in to the publisher.
To all readers of The Music Trade Review
who have not had the opportunity of becoming
acquainted with this helpful literature we shall
be pleased to send a copy upon application.
This newspaper institution is conceded to be
the technical authority upon the player piano.
SINGLE COPIES FIVE CENTS
BY THE YEAR FIFTY CENTS
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK
5
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