Coin Machine Journal

56
T H E COIN M A C H I N E J O U R N A L
M arch, n j j 3
Cheer
\
a»
Smith: “Hope is really a wonderful
thing.”
Jones: “True. Onfe little nibble
keeps a. man fishing all day.”
* * *
;
“M y good man, does this dog pos­
sess a family tree?”
“Oh, no, madam— he has no par­
ticular tre e ”
* * ❖
*
.
CASE OF NECESSITY
A stout woman wedged into a
crowded street car had difficulty get­
ting into her tightly buttoned jacket
to extract her fare.
“Madam,” said the man next to
her, during her fruitless struggles, “let
me pay your fare.”
She protested rather indignantly.
“My only reason for wishing to do
so,” he said, “is that you’ve unbut­
toned my suspenders three times try­
- ing to get into your pocket.”
* * *
DOING HIS STUFF
Husband (arriving home late):
“Can’t you guess where I ’ve been?”
Wife: “I can; but go on with your
story.”
* * *
Mr. Justwed: “What did you do to
this meat? It has such a peculiar
taste.”
Mrs. Justwed: “Oh, nothing. It did
get a little burnt, but I fixed that—I
applied Unguentine right away.”
* * *
The absent-minded professor called
his biology class to order shortly after
the lunch hour. “Our special work
this afternoon,” he said, “will be cut­
ting up and inspecting the inward
workings of a frog. I have a frog in
my pocket here to be used as a speci­
men.”
He reached into his pocket and
pulled out a pap'er sack, shook its con­
tents out on the table, and out rolled
a nice-looking sandwich. The profes­
sor looked at it, perplexed, scratched
his head and muttered: “That’s funny.
I distinctly remember eating my
lunch.”
. . :
. ■ ❖ * * '
''
.
NAVAL REDUCTION
“And how is your husband getting
on with his reducing exercises?”
“You’d be surprised. That battle­
ship he had tattooed on his stomach is
now only a row-boat.”
sis * *
HAR! HAR!
“Now see if you can laugh that off,”
said the fat man’s wife as she finished
sewing the new button on his vest.
■
% ^
“There goes Hi Smith. Hi ain’t the
man he used to be.”
“No, and gol dern him, he never
was.”
* *
SHE HAD HIS NUMBER
Lady: “So your married life was
very unhappy? What was the trouble?
December wedded to May?”
Liza Johnson: “Land sakes no,
ma’am, it was Labor Day wedded to
de day of rest.”
* * *
“Faith and it would be much easier
to keep the wolf from the door if we
could just keep the stork from the
chimney,” said Pat as the smiling
nurse let him take his first peek at the
latest addition to his family.
#
Lightning-bugs are not so different
from certain men. A lightning-bug can
see where he has been, but not where
he is going.
H* * *
“Every modern girl should have a
chaperon,” says a writer in a morning
or/
%A
ZWEENE-"
paper. We would go further and rec­
ommend three chaperons working
eight-hour shifts.
Perhaps the easiest way to catch a
big fish is to put a minnow on your
hook and then sit there and wait till
it grows up.
■
:
* * * ' /
■ '
Duffer: “Terrible golf course, cad­
dy, terrible.”
Caddy: “Sorry, sir, this ain’t the
golf course; you’ve been off it for the
last forty minutes.”
.
* * *
:
Little bank roll, ere we part,
Let me hug you to my heart;
All the year I ’ve clung to you—-
I ’ve been faithful—you’ve been true.
.
Little bank roll, in a day
You and I will start away,
To a Christmas shopping spot—
I ’ll come back, but you will not.
5{C # *
We’ve discovered what happens to
old razor blades—they are put in the
packages with the new ones.
$ :{:
Housewife (yelling to garbage col­
lector from her porch): “Yoo hoo!
Am I too late for the garbage?”1
Garbage Man: “No, ma’am, jump
right in.”
# # ^
Clerk (in private office): “As I am
getting married, sir, is there any
chance of an increase in salary?”
Boss: “If you don’t get out of here
quick, we’ll make you a partner and
you won’t get anything.”
* * *
“Do you think I look all right in
my new gown, dear?” she asked.
“Hm! Yes,” replied her husband,
“but I would suggest that if possible
you get in a little farther.”