Coin Machine Journal

Why is it that before marriage
a man holds an umbrella over a
woman’s head to keep her from
getting wet, and afterwards to
keep her hat dry?
Mother: “ Darling, that is the
church in which daddy and I were
married.”
Small Son: “And who took
care of me that day, mother?”
Doctor : “ You’ve got acute ap­
pendicitis.”
•
Patient: “ Don’t get fresh ! I
came here to get examined—not
admired.”
“ I’m going to marry a pretty
girl and a good cook.”
“ You can’t— that’s bigamy,”
In the smokeroom of the sleep­
ing car the Scot had been boring
everyone with tales of great deeds
he had done.
“ Well now,” said an English­
man at last, “ suppose you tell us
something you can’t do and, by
jove, I’ll undertake to do it my­
self.”
“ Thank ye,” replied the Scot, “ I
canna pay ma railroad fare.”
“Wanna go datin’ Thursday
night?”
“Naw, gettin’ married Thurs­
day night. How about Friday?”
“ I don’t see how football play­
ers ever get clean!”
. “ Silly, what do you suppose the
scrub teams are for ?”
Race-horses do not eat the day
before the race, according to a
magazine article. And often we
do not eat for days after the race.
— Atlanta Constitution.
First, Hobo (surveying stream
of pleasure-seekers) :
“ I ’ates
’olidays. Makes yer feel common
when nobody ain’t workin’.” —
London Opinion.
C A U TIO U S R E A L T O R
An emigrant was preparing to
leave his native land to try his
luck abroad. An acquaintance in­
quired, casually: “W hat are you
going to do when you arrive at
your destination ?”
“ Oh, take up land.”
“ Much?”
“ Only a shovelful at a time.”
PRO VID IN G FOR M AN D Y
“ I understand you’ve got your
divorce, Mandy.
Did you get
any alimony from your husband ?”
“ No, Mrs. Jones, but he done
give me a first-class reference.”
TO A GO LD DIGGER, A
BRASS COIN
A kiss is a peculiar proposition.
Of no use to one, yet absolute
bliss to two. The small boy gets
it for nothing, the young man has
to lie for it, and the old man has
to buy it. The baby’s right, the
lover’s privilege, and the hypo­
crite’s mask. To a young girl,
faith; to a married woman, hope;
and to an old maid, charity.
Too Many Is the Answer
Too many doctors, too many
pills,
Too many croakers, too many
ills;
Enhanced Scans © The. .International . Arcade Museum
Too many farmers with over­
much wheat,
Too many starving with nothing
to eat,
Too many zephyrs, too many
chills,
*
Too many taxes, too many bills;
Too many workers without any
job,
Too many spenders who haven’t
a “bob.”
Too many hollows, too many
hills,
'
Too many rivers, too many rills;
Too many talkers about our sad
fate,
.
:
Too many war debts upon the old
slate;
Too many millers, too many
mills,
Too many snapper, too many
gills;
Too many plumbers going back
for their tools,
Too many asses and too many
fools.
Too many fashions, too many
thrills;
Too many movies, too many
trills;
Too many “ cockies” with too
many cows,
Too many “ grousers” and too
many rows.
Too many Johnnies, too many
Jills,
Too many lawyers, too many
wills;
Too many bankers who have all
the gold,
But buried so deep it’s frozen
stone cold.
“ Auckland Star”—-New Zealand.
http://cmj.arcade-museum.com/