Coin Machine Journal

T H E COI N M A C H I N E J O U R N A L
April, 1932
99
An old Dutchman, returning to
Holland, was asked by a friend what
in his estimation was the strangest
thing he had noticed, and he re­
plied 1 ‘‘The United States has many
wonderful things, but the strangest
is a drink called the cocktail—and
here is how they make it : They put
in whisky to make it strong, then
water to make it weak; gin to make
it hot and ice to make it cold; lemon
to make it sour, sugar to make it
sweet; then they say, ‘Here’s to
you!’ and drink it themselves,”
"And how’s your good wife, Sultan?”
“Oh, she's all right . . . but I have
more fun with the others.”
Lawyer: “Have you ever been
cross-examined ?”
Accused: “Rather—I have been
married ten years and my mother-
in-law lives with us.”
First Collegian: “Jiggers, here
comes a speed cop.”
Second: “Quick, hang out the
Notre Dame pennant.”
"O h Judge, are you sure I ’m the first
witness you’ve ever taken out to dinner?”
"Your face looks very familiar. Are
you sure I ’ve never married you before?”
Her Papa: “Don’t think for a
minute you’re going to marry my
daughter.”
Her Caller: “Fine—-you get me
out of this mess and I ’m your friend
for life.”
New York’s richest debutante has
seven automobiles and four homes,
besides an inheritance of $50,000,­
000, all made in the tobacco busi­
ness. That’s what we’d call keeping
kissable.
A motorist who was picked upun-
conscious after a smash opened his
eyes as he was being carried into a
garage close at hand. He began to
kick and struggle. When he was
afterwards asked the reason he ex­
plained that the first darn thing he
saw was a Shell sign and thalt “Some
darn fool was standing in front of
the ‘S’.”
"Hello, Pet Shop. . . . Change that
bird seed I just ordered to a catnip
mouse!”
Said the tramp as he looked at a
$50,000 reward sign for John Col­
lins, “I can remember when he
wasn’t worth a cent.”
"Shall I put your suitcase in the refrig­
erator car, sir?”
Abe—I went into a restaurant to­
day, the apple pie was a peach.
Friend—That’s nothing, I went into
a speakeasy and had no money so I
let the beer settle.
Abe—Say, I ’d give a thousand dol­
lars to be one of those millionaires.
Enhanced Scans © The International Arcade- Museum
A Minister: “I had no idea pro­
fanity was so prevalent till I began to
drive a car.”
His better half: “Do you hear much
of it on the road?”
Minister: “Why, nearly every one
I bump into swears fearfully.”
Newspapers all over the country have
been giving considerable publicity to the
groceteria units being set up and installed
in modem apartment houses.
Employee—There’s a man outside
with lumbago.
Employer—Tell him I don’t want
lumbago.
A kind policeman in Atchison,
Kansas, noticing two peanut ma­
chines left outside a filling station
over night took them to the police
station for safe keeping and re­
turned them next morning.
“Were you the only sober man
there?”
“Certainly not!”
“Then who was?”
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