Automatic Age

Aunty: “ Your conduct is
terrible. Don’t you know where
bad little girls go?”
Dotty: “Sure thing— to night
clubs, week-e?id parties, and on
cruises.”
V ita l S tatistics
Chicago bus seats are made
two inches wider than those in
New York because the average
Westerner is broader of beam.
Many delicate compliments
have been paid the fair sex by
men subtle in speech, but here
is one straight from the heart of
a Negro that is difficult to excel.
The Reverend C. P. Smith tells
that he had just married a
young couple, and the bride­
groom asked him the price of
the service.
“Oh, well,” said the minister,
“you can pay me whatever it is
worth to you.”
The young fellow looked long
and silently at his bride. Then
slowly rolling the whites of his
eyes, he said:
“L a w d, suh, you has done
ruined me for life; you has, for
sure.”
“She has not only the seal of
his approval, but the mink also.”
A lingerie manufacturer is in
the midst of a Panty-of-the-
Month promotion campaign. The
series of new “Undikins” has
included “Moldikins,” “Frilli-
kins,” “Sissikins” and “Yoohoo-
ikins.”
A drunk was walking along
the curb with one foot on the
sidewalk and the other in the
gutter. A cop followed him for
two blocks and then said, “Come
along, buddy, and I ’ll help you
home. You’re drunk.”
“Thank God!” said the drunk.
“I thought I was a cripple.”
Coed to girl friend: “I have
an uncomfortable feeling we’re
not being followed.”
Signs of the Times
O n a n e g r o dressmaker’s
shingle in New Orleans: “Skirts
That Strut.”
M o r t u a r y advertisement:
“Ask Those Whom We Have
Served.”
Clerk to hotel’s handy man:
“Room 707, lady in a house coat
—jammed zipper!”
Blondie: “Just as long as a
man is heavy sugar, he needn’t
be refined.”
Bessie: “Is Sue married?”
New Boy Friend: “No. Is
’oo?”
Where there’s a will there’s a
wail.
W h a t C h an ce ?
Biology P r o fe s s o r : “You
have two chances — one of get­
ting the germ, and one of not.
And if you get the germ, you
have two chances— one of get­
ting the disease, and one of not.
And if you get the disease, you
have two chances—one of dy­
ing, and one of not. And if you
die—well, you still have two
chances.”
Jack: “They call D i a n e
‘Short-wave’—anybody can pick
her up.”
Two Definitions
Woman: A person who can
hurry through an aisle 18 inches
wide without knocking down
piled-up tinware, then drive
home and knock the doors off a
12-foot garage.
Man: A guy who can see an
ankle three blocks away while
driving a car down a busy
street, but won’t notice in wide
open country a locomotive the
size of a school house.
Here’s to the girl who steals,
lies, and swears. Steals into
your arms; lies there; and
swears she’ll never love another.
50
AUTOMATIC AGE
© International Arcade Museum
“What’s Chuck doing?”
“Oh, just dame-dreaming.”
Success for letting things
slide is meant for the trombone
player.
The following ad appeared in
a country newspaper: “Anyone
found near the house where I
keep my hen, will be found there
the next morning.”
“ Women take to generous
men,” says Gus the waiter “—
and from.”
January, 1942
http://www.arcade-museum.com/