Automatic Age

F U N N Y BONE T I CKL ERS
ANY
SIMILARITY
IS
In order to reduce a young lady
tried horseback riding. She began
falling off right away.
Rastus: (Stumbling in at 3 a .m .):
“ De ‘ol gray mare, she ain’t what
she used to be.”
Mandy: (Coldly) : “ But de ol’ white
mule sho am.”
Customer (watching butcher cut off
stea k ): “ Hey, you’re giving me a big
piece of bone.”
Butcher: “ No I’m not; you’re pay­
ing for it.”
Dubb: “ How’s Collins?”
Flubb: “ Flat on his back.”
Dubb: “ Why, only last night I saw
him dancing with a blonde.”
Flubb: “ So did his wife.”
Customer: “ I don’t like the looks of
that mackerel.”
Dealer: “ Well, if it’s looks you
want, why don’t you buy a gold fish?”
A wink that lasts one second— may
have a result that lasts a lifetime.
Customer: “ I don’t like the flies in
here.”
W aiter: “ Sorry, sir, there’ll be some
new ones in tomorrow.”
Mary had a little lamb,
One day she clipped its tresses.
And found she had sufficient wool,
For fifteen modern dresses.
Guest (to butler): “Been long in
the service of the family, Jenks?”
Butler : “ Indeed, sir. I am now serv­
ing the third degeneration.”
74
TO
PERSONS
PURELY
LIVING
DR
DEAD
INTENTIONAL
Stage Manager: “ Why in thunder
don’t you go on with the animal act?”
Lady Trainer: “ Pleathe, thir, I
can’t find my panther!”
S. T .: “ Never mind your clothes.
Get on with the show!”
# !
#
“ My wife is cooking her first din­
ner. Will you come along and share
it with me?”
“ Sure—haven’t I always shared
your sorrows?”
Lady: “ Why did you leave your last
place, Mary?"
Maid: “ Because I didn’t know what
this one was like.”
“Don't cry, little boy, you’ll get your
reward in the end.”
“ That’s where I alius gets i t ”
“ Ah sho does pity you,” said a negro
pugilist to his opponent as they
squared off for the bout. “ Ah was
born wid boxin’ gloves on.”
“ Maybe you was,” retorted the
other, “ and Ah reckon yo am goin’ to
die de same way.”
“ Fes, my dear, take it from me —
the only way to make your engage­
ment to Hank last is to build it on a
stone foundation.”
Science tells us that a grain of
sugar has sixteen sides and never
varies in shape.
Tut, tut! W e know some “ sugars”
that do.
Jack: “ You should have seen Helen
run that quarter mile.”
Jim: “ W hat did she do it in?”
Jack: “ I’ll be darned if I know what
you call em.”
Bough: “ I’ve a half mind to get
married”
Zough: “ That’s all you need.”
Fanny: “ My husband is like an an­
chor.”
Anne: “ How come?”
Fanny: “ He’s always aweigh.”
She: “ I’ve changed my mind.”
H e: “ Does it work any better?”
Sue: “ Dot’s boy friend is a worm.”
Daisy: “ W hat makes you say that?’
Sue: “ I just saw a chicken pick him
up.”
Excited young father: “ Tell me
quick— is it a boy?”
Calm nurse: “ Well, the one in the
middle is.”
“ Dear Miss Beatrice:
“ W hat should a young lady do
when her date insists on telling a raft
of naughty stories?
— Puzzled.”
“ If they’re good, memorize ’em.
P rof: “ The first date in history was
about 4000 B. C.”
Stude .: “ Who had it?”
A doctor was walking one afternoon
with his young and beautiful bride
when an attractive woman nodded to
him. Suspecting an earlier love affair*
the wife asked: “ Who’s the lady,
dear?” The doctor replied: “ Oh, only
a woman I ’ve met once or twice pro­
fessionally.” The w ife: “ Whose pro­
fession?”
He: “ Wanna ride?”
She: “ Going north?”
H e: “ Sure!”
She: “ Give my regards
Eskimos.”
Daughter: “ Papa went off in
ea*
humor this morning.”
Mother: “ Mercy. That reminds ine,
I forgot to ask him for any money.
AUTOMATIC AGE
© International Arcade Museum
to
the
July, I 941
http://www.arcade-museum.com/