Automatic Age

94
AUTOM ATIC AGE
F U N N Y
B O N E
December, 1940
T IC K L E R S
ANY SIM ILARITY TO PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD IS
PURELY INTENTIONAL
A visiting Scotchman went to the
local municipal links for a round of
golf. Selecting a caddy, he asked one
apple-cheeked youngster, “ Are you
good at findin’ balls?”
“ Yes, indeed, sir,” brightly replied
the boy.
“ Weel, thin,” said the player, “ find
one, and we’ll be startin’.”
* * *
“I hear Jim had an accident.”
“ Yes, someone gave him a pet alli­
gator, and told him it would eat off
his hand.”
“ W ell?”
“ It d id ”
*
*
*
....Lawyer to colored client: “ Well,
Hank, I can probably get you a
divorce, but it will cost you $50.”
H ank: “ F ifty dollars, boss?”
L aw yer: “ Yes, that includes court
fees and other expenses.”
Hank: “ Well, boss, I guess I don't
want no divorce. There ain’t $50 be­
tween dem two wimmin.”
*
*
*
Many a prize fighter has registered
with a knockout only to have the ho­
tel detective get wise.
*
*
*
“ W hy do you call your girl Check­
ers?”
“ Oh, she jumps every time you
make a bad move.”
*
*
*
Mother— “ Now remember while I ’m
away, dear, that if you pet and drink
and smoke, men will call you fast.”
Daughter — “ Yes, just as fast as
they can get to a telephone.”
*
*
One of them was sawing violently
at a piece of steak, each mouthful
being won by sheer hard work. A t
last he came to a particularly tough
piece and, turning to his mate, he
said in a hoarse whisper that could
be heard plainly: “ 'Tain't the food
wot does yer good 'ere, Joe; it's the
blinkin' exercise.”
F A S H IO N N O T E : Trunks are by
no means necessary on a honeymoon
this Spring, but each one should have
a new grip.
Husband
Engineers are often baffled by the
fact that some of the girls with
streamlined figures offer the most re­
sistance.
*
Two hefty-looking men, who, from
the look of their clothes, had just
finished work of a pretty rough kind,
wree dining in one of the all-night
restaurants.
— First P rof: “Is it easy to get a
kiss from that blonde co-ed?"
Second P r o f: “ W hy, there's nothing
to it.”
First P ro f: “ Then how come you
look so disappointed?”
Second P rof: “ Because when I got
one, there was practically nothing to
it.”
DOUBLE TROUBLE
— I committed bigamy
when I married you.
W ife (horrified)— honest?
Husband — Yes, I had so many
drinks, I saw double!
H
e
Then, there was the Bolshevik who
wouldn’t tend bar because all the
beers had white collars on them— so
he just served the mugs.
IF Y A W A M T A G E T R E SU L TS
“ I dreamed last night I was on a
date with that handsome camera­
man.”
“ Well, maybe your dream will come
true.”
“ Oh, no, it won’t I’d slap his face
if he ever got fresh with me.”
* * *
Give a ruler an inch, and you've
got a dictator.
*
*
*
Sometimes wild oats develop from
a little rye.
* * *
ALL STEAMED UP
“ Big boy, you’re like a locomotive
when you hold me this way.”
“ You mean I puff and wheeze?”
“ No, I mean you’re on the right
track.”
* * *
Landlady (in hall, talking to girl
boarder)— “ I thought I saw you tak­
ing a gentleman up to your apart­
ment last night, Miss Klutz.”
Miss Klutz— “ Yeah; that’s what I
thought, too.”
© International Arcade Museum
*
*
*
“ If I kiss you, will anyone be the
wiser?”
“ That depends on how much you
know about kissing already.”
“ Did you ever notice what serene
dispositions bald-headed men have?”
Yes; nothing ever gets in their
hair.”
*
*
Some girls prefer ponies, while
others go to town on side-cars.
* *
“ Worrying can't help you,” asserts
a philosopher. That makes it mutual,
we can't help worrying.
* *
One of the mysteries of love is how
a loose girl can rattle a tight man.
“ It was funny last night when your
zipper gown started slipping.”
“ Yes, I had to hold my sides.”
What most girls want on the sea
of matrimony is a raft of loving!
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