Automatic Age

D IRECT IO N S
He— If you’ll give me your tele­
phone number, I ’ll call you up some­
time.
She— It’s in the book.
He— Fine! And what’s your name?
She— That’s in the book, too.
* * *
“Is this the N. A. laundry? Well,
you sent me half dozen old handker­
chiefs instead of my shirt.
“Them ain’t handkerchiefs. That
is your shirt.”
* * *
TOO BAD
“Jane’s as pretty as a picture ex­
cept for one feature.”
“Yes, her chin; it’s a double fea­
ture.”
* * *
M ALE SERVICE
“You brute! You ought to be
ashamed to talk about mother the
way you do. For two cents, I ’d send
her a letter and ask her never to
visit us again.”
“Hah! I ’ll give you six cents. Send
it air m ail!”
* =* *
“I never have the slightest trouble
getting housewives to look into what
I sell.”
“No? And what do you sell?”
“Mirrors.”
* * *
When the professor falls in love
with a co-ed, she makes A while she
cam.
* * *
M OTHER KNOW S BEST
Mother: You little brat! Why don’t
you pattern yourself after your
father?
Son: What has he done?
Mother: Why, he has just been
paroled from the penitentiary for
good conduct.
* * *
“What are those brown spots on
your lapel— gravy?”
“No, that’s rust. They said this
suit would wear like iron.”
H ELLO
“Hello! This is long distance. I
have a call for you from Miami.”
“Hello! This is Ben. Listen, Jack,
I ’m stranded here and need $100.”
“I can’t hear you. Something is
wrong with the phone.”
“I want $ 100 .”
“I can’t hear you.”
Operator—“I can hear it 0. K.”
“Well, you give him the $100.”
* * *
“Why did they evict the medical
student from the library?”
“They caught him removing the
appendix from the book he was react­
ing.”
* * *
Another big mystery is how the
average businessman can work like
a horse all day, and then hoof it up
all evening in a night club.
* * *
“What makes you so unpopular
with these other girls?”
“I won a popularity contest.”
* * *
W IL D D R IV E R
“When I drive, I cover a lot of
ground!”
“Say, what kind of machine do you
drive?”
“A steam roller!”
* * *
“I ’m looking for a husband.”
“Well, lady, shall I direct you to a
matrimonial agency?”
“No, to a detective agency.”
* * *
First Beauty— Why did you quit
going around with that handsome
architect?
Second Beauty— His plans didn’t
suit me.
* * *
T IM E W ASTED
“I been window shopping.”
“Whaddayamean,
window shop­
ping?”
“I been looking in windows.”
“What for? Nobody’s in bed this
time of night.”
© International Arcade Museum
Girls, beumre of the botanical lover.
You know, the kind that blooms in
the spring and leaves in the fall.
* * *
An old maid wouldn't go chasing
after every Tom, Dick and Harry if
she had a W ill of her own.
* * *
“Does my gown look as though it
were falling off my shoulder?”
“Naw, let’s dance.”
“I ’m sorry, but I must go and re­
arrange it.
It’s supposed to look
that way.”
* * *
The time a guy ought to have his
head examined is when his hair starts
to fall.
* * *
A movie fan’s idea of heaven is
getting high and having a date with
a star.
* * *
ART
“So your brother is a painter, eh?”
“Yep.”
“ Paints houses, I presume?”
“Nope, paints men and women.”
“Oh, I see. He’s an artist.”
“Nope, just paints women on one
door and men on the other.”
* * *
TAXES!
WPA Executive— If we don’t figure
out a way to spend that one hundred
and twenty million dollars, we lose
our jobs!
Secretary— How about a bridge
over the Mississippi—lengthwise?
* * *
A newly created papa received the
glad tidings in a telegram. “Hazel
gave birth to a girl this morning;
both doing well.” On the message
was a sticker reading, “When you
want a boy, call Western Union.”
♦ ♦ ♦
Inquisitive— What did the Night
Clerk do when he caught you looking
over the girl’s transom?
Bell Boy— Not a thing. He sees
things the same way I do.
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