Automatic Age

T he A
u t o m a t ic
A ge
79
A PAGE OF FUN
An army lieutenant was drilling a
company o f recent recruits. “ Mark
time,” he commanded, noticing as he
gave the command that one Italian
did not move. He repeated the O l­
der and still the Italian remained
motionless.
“ W hy don’t you mark tim e?”
shouted the lieutenant.
“ Aw, whatta matter? Walka alia
time and no go no place.”
Beatrice— Isn’t it true that sailors
have a sweetheart in every port?
Sailor— Well, I would hardly say
that. There were several places we
didn’t touch on our cruise.— Shipping
Register.
W hat Kind o f Dance?
A student had been spending some­
what too freely and was short. It
was near the holidays and he hated
to write home for money. As a last
resort he pawned his dress suit.
W hen the time came to leave fo r
home, the suit was still unredeemed.
He hurriedly scraped up cash enough
to get it back, packed it in the grip,
and was off.
A t home his mother was helping
him unpack.
“ H enry,” she asked, “ what is this
ticket on your coat fo r ? ”
“ W hy, mother,” he replied, “ I went
to a dance the other evening and
had my coat checked.”
She continued putting away his
clothes. Finally she lifted his trou­
sers. They, too, were ticketed.
“ Henry,” she exclaimed, “ what
kind o f a dance was that?”
© International Arcade Museum
Self-Diagnosing
“ You know, I ’m armenic, Mrs.
Jenkins?”
“ Lor, Mrs. ’Arris, I thort yer was
B ritish!”
“ Ah, you don’t understand— it
means, I ain’t got no blood in m e!”
— The Tatler.
One Nevada mining camp native
met another on the street. “ I see
the Boudoir Cafe is fo r rent again,”
he said. “ W hat happened to the last
guy who rented it?”
“ He allowed a hom ed toad to get
into the beef stew and Deadshot Kel­
ly found it.”
American Captain— W hat is meant
by beastly weather?
British Captain— When it’s raining
cats and dogs.— Shipping Register.
“ Ethel,” said the bishop, “ you seem
to be a very bright little g ir l; can
you repeat a verse from the Bible?”
“ I’ll say I can.”
“ W ell, my dear, let us have it.”
“ The Lord is my Shepherd— I
should worry.”
A Kentucky mountaineer led his
over-grown son into country school-
house: “ This here b oy ’s arter larn-
in’,” he said. “ W hat’s you goin’ tech
him ?”
“ Our curriculum, sir, embraces
geography,
arithmetic,
trignome-
try— ”
“ Wall, then tech him trigonom etry.
H e’s the only poor shot in the fam ­
ily.”
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