Automatic Age

T h e A u t o m a t ic A ge
Is Smashing
Vending Machines
Ever Justified?
W e have heard o f operators bu st­
in g up each oth er’s m achines in lo c a ­
tion wars. B ut quite often an opera­
to r finds his m achines sm ashed by
irate custom ers w ith a fe w drinks un­
der their belt o r a bad liver. T he
fo llo w in g taken fro m a late m aga­
zine is a typical case o f such w reck ­
ag e:
I w as once w itness o f an instance
o f w hat seem ed to be a conscien tious
effort on the part o f a secretary to
adhere to this financial phase o f his
w ork.
One day a drunken sailor
about h a lf seas over fro m m oonshine
strode into the lobby. H e dropped a
nickel in the chew in g gum slot m a­
chine, w hich occu pies a prom inent
place in all Y . M. C. A . lobbies. The
m achine refused to w ork. The gob
w ent to the desk and asked f o r a re­
fund. T h e request w as refused on
grounds th at the m achine w as out o f
order and that he should first have
inquired b efore takin g chances w ith
it. U tterin g a sea -goin g oath, the
sailor, sh ootin g a stron g rig h t arm
across the desk, adm inistered such a
sock on the ja w , th at it thudded with
all the pent-up rem iniscences o f w ar­
tim e days. W h ile the secretary still
yow led and yelped fo r help, the g ob
had w renched the m achine from the
w all and had flung it across h a lf the
lobby. H e then sw aggered out f o l ­
low ed b y the unholy laughter o f the
you n gster guests at this rare sight o f
desecration in a Y sanctuary.
L ittle A n g el W ith ou t W in g s
“ D o angels have w ings, m u m m y?"
“ Y es, darling.”
“ Can th ey fly ?”
“ Y es, dear.”
“ Then w hen is nursie g oin g to fly,
’cause D addy called her an angel last
n igh t?”
“ T om orrow , darling.”
© International Arcade Museum
77
On H is To.es
The late W illiam A rch er, the E n g ­
lish
critic and dram atist, visited
A m erica during the run o f his on e
and on ly success, “ The Green G od­
dess,” and a lady at tea asked him
h ow he liked our country. H e an­
sw ered :
“ Y o u r efficiency am azes me. T h ere
w as a fu neral the oth er day out in
A rizon a, in the tow n o f H o t Dogy
and w hile the m inister was preach in g
the fu neral serm on tw o shots w ere
fired in quick succession in the street
outside.
“ The undertaker tiptoed forth . In
a m inute o r tw o he tiptoed back
again with a bland smile on his fa ce .
“ ‘ I secured both them fu n erals,’
he w hispered to the ch ief m ourner.”
— H ardw are D ealers’ M agazine.
H alitosis
“ I ’ve ju st been reading som e sta­
tistics here— every tim e I breathe a
man dies.”
“ Gosh, m an! W h y d on ’t you use
L isterin e?” — P rin ter’s D evil.
Indistinct
T he b o y had ju st written; dow n an
order received over the telephone.
“ W h a t’s the m atter w ith th is?” de­
manded his boss. “ I can’t read a
w ord o f it ? ”
“ W ell, sir,” w as the a p olog etic
answer, “ you see the talk w as so in­
distin ct.” — G ood H ardw are.
Obliging
A fa rm er b o y and his b est girl
w ere seated in a b u g g y one evening
in tow n , w a tch in g the people pass.
N ear b y w as a pop c o m vender’s
stand.
Presen tly the lady rem ark ed: “ M y,
th at pop c o m sm ells g o o d !”
“ T h at’s righ t,” said the gallant.
“ I ’ll drive up a little closer so you
can sm ell it better.”
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