THE
Why Piano Salesmen Go Mad
A
Dramaletto
By YE FAMUSS PLAYWRITE OF FENEX, ARIZONY
GENE REDE WILL, Music I toiler
With Original Illustrations by vc Quill Pusher
J. BRADFORD PENGELLY
SALESMAN: "Yes, there is Prof. Longhairsky coming in the
door now. (Mailing the newcomer) ()h, Professor, would
you kindly run your lingers over this beautiful toned piano
for this lady?"
IM\( )FESS( )R : "I should be verv pleased do vou plav?—who
is vour teacher?- what shall I plav for vou?"
LADY: "1 adore the ' I lumoreske.' or do you plav 'The Might of
(he Bumble Bee'—thev're both so beautiful ?"
PROFESSOR : (Laboring with the hackeneyed llumoreske) "It's
been a long time since 1 played it—how do you like this one,
it's one of my own compositions ?"
LADY: "That's very nice, (then to salesman) haven't you a piano
not so old? A friend of mine has such a LOVELY little
piano, just like new, with the dearest tone—I don't know
the make, but I think it is an Underwood—-she got it from
a lady who was leaving, and it cost her ONLY $50—have
you something like that?"
SALESMAN: (Slightly stirred up) "Professor, would you be
so kind as to try this Console piano for the lady?" (Profes-
sor plays another little ditty on a Spinet model)
LADY: "Oh, I wouldn't have that piano at all, why it's got a
fingernail scratch right there in plain sight. Haven't you got
a smaller piano, my space is very limited—I would go as high
as $75 if the tone suits me?"
SALESMAN: "Sorry lady, but the small pianos are the most
expensive ones—'the higher the fewer,' as the saying goes.
Now if you'll step back to our—."
LADY: "What is the price of that little piano in your window—
it's a darling! (There are six small pianos in the window.)
SALESMAN: "Well, that's a very line piano madam, and the
you for your trouble." (Lady leaves, trailing poodle.)
FLOOR MANAGER: "Why did the lady 'walk*—couldn't you
close her? She looked like money to me. Guess I'll have to
import a few salesmen."
SALESMAN: (To himself—and don't want any answer) "D-$-
?-Q-Z-X & C."
COLOPHON
Miss Lapaliizer and her poodle.
(They're the same everywhere—even down in Arizona)
Lady shopper enters piano store, trailing poodle.
SALESMAN: "Good morning miss, a lovely day—something in
pianos ?"
LADY: "Yes—I want to look at one of the standard makes—
it's the tone I want—don't care a thing about the case—
do you have a Wheeler «!<: Wilson, or studebaker?"
SALESMAN: (Getting her number instantly) "If you'll step
right this way. I'll show you just the piano you are looking
for, madam. Now, this piano was used just a few months ago
by a most excellent artist who hated to part with it, but he
was hurriedly called away on account of the death of a very
rich uncle."
LADY: (Salesman plays a few chords) "Haven't you someone
who plays the classics.' F want to hear something to show
the tone, not just a lot of bangy chords."
I'A<;K THIRTY
This playlet is dedicated to William Shakespeare on behalt of
Gene Redevvill, and to Leonardo DaVinci on behalf of J. Brad-
ford Pengelly.
Said Pen to Gene: ".Are you related to Shakespeare:'" "Dis-
tantly." "Yes, very distant 1\ I should say," added Pen.
Said Gene to Pen: "Are you related to Leonardo.'" "Distantly,"
lie replied. "Awfully distantlv," said Gene, and added: Your illus-
trations have ruined my superb drama."
Here endeth the storv of this dramaletto, printed and folded at
ve shoppe of the Pengelly Press, Chicago.
II'lien it
comes to
playing many
instruments
(iene is
ambidextrous
PRKSTO
M I'SIC
T I M I'.S
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