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50
THE MUSIC TRADE! REVIEW
I should put as much salt as possible in it. With the
At the conclusion long sustained, soundless applause; well,
Salvation Army composers now, it is an altogether different
as is the way with those lazy composers—the kapellmeister
matter. Those I orchestrate only for the drums. May be
doesn't understand anything. And tnat's what the fellow
The Great Impressario Now Figures as a
told me. I challenged him to a duel. And there you've got here and there I may let a girl fall in with her tambourine,
but otherwise nothing but drums."
Writer, and Takes as His Principal Char-
it; he shoots my arm away and now I can direct only
"Now, now, I must beg you to listen—"
with my legs."
acter a Supposed Music Publishing House,
"Oh, thunder, 12 o'clock already! I must go to the tailor
"That's a dreadful pity."
Regarding Which He Dishes Up What He
for the ballet. I won't stay there long. I'll take his music
"Well, let's get to business. I haven't much time. I
Considers Humorous Stuff.
have to go around to Forty-fifth Street to Brateskoll, the home with me, and have a pair of pants made out of it.
I'll come at 10 o'clock on Sunday and put this waltz thing
tailor; he's written a new ballet for bandy-legged girls."
in order for you. I suppose you've got a little glass of
"Well, now I'll play you my waltz."
Oscar Hammerstein is truly a wonder. Despite
whisky—?"
"Wait a minute. Do you know old Isaacsohn's become
his various interests in inventions, and the building
as rich as Croesus on a new ink he's invented—a sort of a
of new opera houses, he has found time to write
vanishing ink. When he pays a bill he writes a check with
a sketch of his impressions of that genus known as
the ink; when the man gets to the bank with it, the signa-
ture has disappeared—"
an arranger of music. The original sketch was
Clever Song by Clarke and Schwartz That Has
"But Mr. Morsch—to get down to business—I haven't
written in German, and appeared in the New York
Made Good on the Pacific Coast.
any more time. Now suppose you listen to my waltz—"
Staats Zeitung.
It was called "The Divorce
"Yes, right away. Pity that old Fenstermacher's dead.
Waltz." The peculiar dialect of Herr Morsch can-
A new song just published by the Jerome &
He never sent an arranger to a composer. He let them
send him the simple score, and although he didn t under-
Schwartz Publishing Co. is "The Barber's Bear,"
not be adequately reproduced in American slang.
stand a note, he never made a mistake. He only had a
The story follows:
smell at the score and it was done. Ah, he had a nose!
When he speaks he moves his ears; nice long ears; other-
wise Herr Fenstermacher, junior partner of the musical You should have seen the construction. If he had bored
publishing house of Morgenstern & Fenstermacher, is nor- holes in his nose he could have used it as a clarinet.
Well, go to it, play your waltz. What's the name of it,
mal; he squints, but that I forgive him. Recently Fenster-
anyway?"
macher said to me:
" 'Divorce.' "
"Don't you write any music any more? We can use
"Good name, popular immediately. That'll create busi-
something from you again. You know we are the biggest
ness Well, go to it. The piano looks strong."
publishers."
Soon I had played through the waltz.
"Certainly. You have probably mislaid the account of
"Yes.
Hammersteinchen, you have composed your way
my latest royalties."
into a hit, but the first part is, after all, not what the title
"What's that?" he asked in confusion.
promises. That ought simply to be half played and then
"A year ago I gave you my great 'Raisin Waltz.' I've
suddenly stop. That's the beginning of the divorce. Music
heard nothing more of it."
is after all nothing more than a matter of feeling. That
"You haven't, heard anything of it. Well, but millions
of others have. Only last night it was played in Lanke's was proved long ago by the crack-brained composer Rum-
melmeyer when they stole the score of his Ourang-Outang
rathskeller, and the patrons were 'dippy' afterwards."
Overture out of his breast pocket he didn't feel it. And,
"That's always the result of my music. But how about
in your place, dear Hammerstein, I would make the sec-
the royalties?"
"I'll attend to the matter right away. But say, how about ond part of your waltz more balanced like a cradle in
which the little child lies and bawls on account of the di-
something new? To-morrow I'll send you our old Morsch.
vorce of its parents.
He's the best music arranger in all New York. You'll be
"I could arrange that in such a way that the oboe would
surprised. Just play your piece for him, and in a couple of
imitate the kid's voice. I know an oboe player that could
hours he'll fix the whole thing up for grand orchestra and
do that well If ne happened to be sober. Also in No. 4 of
small orchestra, with special passages for the harp, with a
your waltz I'd bring in more atmosphere; that should be
drum solo, and a little bit for the flute. Just can't be
beat. Now don't say anything more—I'll send Morsch to in minor; the husband who insists on the divorce, as is
always the case, would be a bit sad and inclined to forgive,
you—not another word—you'll be surprised."
although he would be convinced of his wife's sins. A thing
Comes Morsch.
of that sort you give to the first violin. He covers the
Under the old straw hat there was something; that one
guilt of the woman with a nice pizzicato. Yes, you modern
saw dt once; you wouldn't have to be a composer to notice
composers have still a good deal to learn.
that; the thick owl spectacles almost covered the top part
"Yesterday I was with Mrs. Jones.
Last year she
of his blood-red face; the new beard harvest was over ripe.
by Grant Clarke and Jean Schwartz, both of
wrote a nocturne called 'Lost.' Her husband had deserted
"Well, how are you, Hammersteinchen? Haven't seen
whom are, of course, well known among the song-
her.
Yesterday
he
returned
and
so
she
wrote
a
new
piece
you in a long time. I said only yesterday to young Fen-
writing fraternity.
"The Barber's Bear" has
stermacher: 'You just watch. Hammerstein has got a which she called 'Found.' I worked all last night upon the
instrumentation and early this morning she telephoned me
proven very successful on the Pacific Coast and in
couple of waltzes on his conscience again—we'll have to
to stop, that he had run away again.
help him.' Well, sure enough, this morning the young
the Far West, where many performers are using
"A common music publisher like Fenstermacher considers
fellow says: 'Go around to Hammerstein, and take every-
it, and it is now a strong number in the East.
people
of
my
type
mere
machines.
At
3
o'clock
yesterday
thing from him—' "
he sent me to a delicatessen dealer named Miesnick, in Essex
"Everything?"
Street. He had composed a couple of Frankfurters. (At
"As one would say—listen to it—"
least that's the way it sounded.) Those were to be pre-
"Pump him?"
pared for piano and cornet for a party this very evening.
"Well, we are not as bad as that."
Peter H. O'Neil, the well-known song writer
"Say, Morsch, you've only brought along one arm. And to-morrow morning at 8 o'clock I was supposed to be and publisher, a member of the publishing
at
the
rich
Clarkson's,
on
Fifth
Avenue.
He
made
all
Where's the other one?"
"Shot away. Haven't you heard about it? I was for his money in the slaughter houses in Chicago, and he com- house of O'Neil & Storey, died at his home in
poses only slaughter music, Fenstermacher said to me Boston last week from appendicitis. Mr. O'Neil
ten years conductor of the Urania in Potsdam."
"How did it happen?"
was prominent in lodge and social circles, and
"How did it happen? Just as it always happens when
MILLION COPY HIT
was popularly known as "Happy" O'Neil.
you want to be obliging to people. A Jiuffoon of a com-
poser comes to me, falls on his knees repeatedly, begging
me to play his new symphony; it was pure distilled rot. I
Also New Hita
even went to expense and got six extra horns, I only had
two—"
Niw
WHEN WE WERE SWEETHEARTS New
"Yes, the women—"
Three Big Musical Successes.
New
UNDER THE OLD OAK TREE New
"No, no jokes, it was sad enough. 1 played the rubbish.
New
WAY DOWN SOUTH
New
At the N. Y. Hippodrome
New
RAG RAG RAG
New
McKINLEY MUSIC CO'S NEW HIT.
New
THAT SUBWAY RAG
New
New
FRANKIE AND JOHNNY
New
Conceived by Arthur Voegtlin.
Book by Carroll Fleming.
Music and Lyrics by Manuel Klein.
NEW YORK
CHICAGO
OHYOUSATURDAYNIGHTI
HAMMERSTEIN'S NEW ROLE.
PUBLISH "THE BARBER'S BEAR."
"HAPPY O'NEIL" DEAD IN BOSTON.
Down By The Old Millstream
lite
"Under Many Flags"
TELL TAYLOR, MUSIC PUBLISHER
Roger Lewis
F. Herri Kljckmann
Composers cfOetAmffOLL"
At the Park Theatre
BUY YOUR
NVJSIC FROM
BOSTON
187 Tremont St,
BOSTON. MASS.
Publisher of
"Kiss »f Spring." "Some Day When Drtams Com* True.'
And Some Others World Famovs
OLIVER
DITSON
"My Best Girl"
Book and Lyrics by Channing Pollock and Rennold
Wolf.
Music by Clifton Crawford and Augustus Barratt.
WALTER JACOBS
COMPANY
BOSTON
NEW YORK
Anticipate and Supply Erery Requirement of Musk Dealers
WHITE-SMITH MUSIC PUB. CO.
Published in Chicago.
NOW PLAYING IN NEW YORK
PUBLISHERS, PRINTERS & ENGRAVERS OF MUSIC
Mala Offices: 6S-04 Stanhope St. Boston
Branch Houses: New York and Chicaao
At the Casino
"The Merry Countess"
Book by Gladys Unger. Lyrics by Arthur Anderson.
Music by Johann Strauss.
All the Music Now Ready.
M. WITMARK & SONS
Witraark Bldg., 144-146 West 87th St., N. Y. City.
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