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THE
MUSIC TRADE
REVIEW
LIGHTER VEIN
BOTH IN STOCK.—"I'd like to get a tablet," said the customer, ad-
dress'ng the drug clerk. "Dyspepsia or writing?" inquired the clerk.
She—If I were a man, I should never marry.
He—If you were a man, I shou'd never marry.—M. A. P.
SYMPATHY.—The Poet—What misery, still unrecognized. Where can
I find sympathy?
Unsympathetic Friend—In the dictionary, under the letter S.
A TOTAL STRANGER.—MurrayhiH—They say fortune raps on every
man's door at some time.
Broadway—Well, she hasn't so much as called me up on the telephone!
EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE.—Dc Style—Why did the Department
of Agriculture get out a cookbook?
Gunbusta—I don't know; it certainly belongs to the Department of the
Interior.
HOLDING THE GLASS TO NATURE.—"Well, what do you think
of my son-in-law's new portrait?"
"It's a speaking likeness. He looks exactly as if he was going to bor-
row ten dollars of you."—Fliegende Blatter.
REASSURING HER.—"It would please me mightily, Miss Stout," said
Mr. Mugley, "to have you go to the theater with me this evening."
"Have you secured the seats?" asked Miss Vera Stout.
"Oh, come, now," he protested, "you're not so heavy as all that."
PUNCH'S PLEASANTRY.—German discipline is a very fearful and
wonderful thing. A soldier who attempted to comm't suicide the other day
was charged with stealing the bullet with which he shot himself; and a
marine who dropped a treasury chest into the sea has been accused of
theft, although' he only attempted to float a loan.—London Punch.
INCONSIDERATE.—It was 3 o'clock in the morning as Mr. Young-
husband crept softly up the stairs. Everything was peaceful in the house.
Openng the door to his room noiselessly, he stepped upon the tail of the
family cat. Naturally a penetrating yowl resounded tlrough the night.
"John," said his wife, awakening, "don't you think it's rather late to be
singing? 'I he neighbors might complain."
REVISED IN BOSTON—The Boston Herald says that a young
English girl, who visited Boston, sent the following to friends in that city
on her return home:
"If strict ideas ever come,
A Boston lady had 'em;
She did not say 'Chrysanthemum';
She said 'Chrysanthemadam'."
JOE IS SOME SALESMAN.—During the big closing out sale of
Fribley Brothers "Mrs. V. W. Miller went in to buy a pair of shoes, and ap-
proaching the well-known and general shoe clerk, Joseph Orr, told him she
wanted to look at a good and serviceable pair of shoes. She wanted a
No. 8. Well, Mr. Orr looked for the No. 8 a while, but not finding the
s : ze wanted took down a pair a size and a half larger, but Mrs. Miller
did not notice the difference in size until she tried them on. Then she
said, "Jo, these are too big; see how much too long they are." Mr. Orr
replied, "My dear madam, that is no serious objection, for your feet will
grow into them." So Mrs. Miller took the shoes, satisfied.—Bourbon (Ind.)
News Mirror.
Attorney Henry F. Hurlburt, in examining a witness in the United
States District Court, used the word "ringer" in framing questions. Judge
Hale requested a definition, and Mr. Hurlburt replied:
"I do not wonder, your honor, that you are not familiar with th's
slang term. To some of us more worldly it means a good deal. On the
race track the word is used of a horse which is put on with the intention
of concealing his real merits to influence the betting."
"This is expert testimony, I suppose," observed the judge.
"It is," was the sad reply.
TIMELY WARNING.—C. H. Rudolph, commissioner of the District
of Columbia, paused in the consideration of current business to gaze thought-
fully at a card on his desk.
"Now that summer is with us," said the commissioner, "I am of the
opinion that it would not be a bad idea to have copies of this card placed
in every department of the district government. I have not gone so far,
however, as to recommend that it be included in the official orders."
The card bears the following inscription :
"All requests for leaves of absence, owing to funerals, weddings, lame
bicks, house moving, sore throat, headache, indigestion, etc., must be handed
in not later than 10 a. m. on the day of the game."—Washington Post.
"Where shall I put the music stand while dusting?"
"Put it on the balcony. You aren't afraid it will blow away, I
suppose."
"Oh, mum, come quick! It has blown away!"—Pele Mele.
An Aid to Every
Dealer Selling
Player Pianos
T
HE new tabloid magazine, designated
The Player Monthly, is growing stead-
ily in favor.
Dealers are finding it the most helpful litera-
ture ever put forth, for there is no other source
from which specific information may be gained
for the general instruction and education of
player pianists.
If the interest in the player piano is to be
upheld, then the dealers and manufacturers
must see to it that the affection of the owners
of player pianos does not languish.
Every player piano should be a live piano—
and it can be so maintained by keeping the
attention of the owner focalized upon the mar-
velous possibilities of the instrument. The
Player Monthly will do intelligent, helpful
work. Some dealers have purchased copies by
the hundred for distribution among their
clients.
It appeals directly to the owners and users
of player pianos.
Constant educational work must be carried
on, and there is no other magazine in the world
devoted exclusively to player work.
Every issue of The Player Monthly contains
information worth ten times its annual cost.
To those who have received three copies no
further numbers will be mailed unless orders
are sent in to the publisher.
To all readers of The Music Trade Review
who have not had the opportunity of becoming
acquainted with this helpful literature we shall
be pleased to send a copy upon application.
This newspaper institution is conceded to be
the technical authority upon the player piano.
SINGLE COPIES FIVE CENTS
BY THE YEAR FIFTY CENTS
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK
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