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THE MUSIC TRADE
IN LIGHTER VEIN
A GOOD ACTOR.—"I see you have an actor employed on the farm."
"Yes, I put him on. He's a darn good actor, too. I thought he was
working the first week he was here."—Kansas City Journal.
WHAT HE HAD.—"Well, I think the doctor is about through with me.
Told me my ailment is practically cured."
"What did you have?"
"Two hundred dollars, originally."—Courier-Journal.
THE OTHER VIEW.—"Every magazine tells you how to keep a wife's
love."
"Well?"
"But you have to pay a lawyer to tell you how to get a divorce."—Kan-
sas City Journal.
MERE COURTESY.—"I see you are smiling at my jokes," said the wait-
ing contributor, hopefully.
"Yes," replied the editor; "that courtesy is due when one meets old
friends."—Philadelphia Ledger.
WHAT'S THE USE?—Postal Clerk—Beg pardon, miss! Since the
new postal agreement you don't need to put a 5-cent stamp on your letters
to London.
The Miss—Shut up, stranger! These fives match my envelopes!—
Cleveland Leader.
NO HARM DONE.—Mrs. Newed—Oh, John, I baked a cake this
morning and set it on the window sill, and a tramp came along and stole
it. I feel like crying.
Newed—-Oh, don't cry. One tramp less in the world doesn't matter —
Chicago Daily News.
AN EMERGENCY OUTFIT.—"What are you doing with that old-
fashioned candlestick and candle on your desk?" asked the inquisitive caller.
"There are times when I need more light on a subject," explained the
embryo jokesmith. "The electric light is only 10 candlepower, and some-
times I require 17."—Chicago News.
HARD WORK.—Teacher—I can't teach this young Dutchman to talk
English.
Principal—But why?
Teacher—I've been working an hour, and I can't make him see the dif-
ference between a flat-headed and a level-headed man!—Cleveland Leader.
Q U I T E TRUE.—The man about to pay his fare on a pay-as-you-
cnter car dropped a dollar, which fell to the platform and rolled off across
the pavement into an opening, where it disappeared.
The loser watched its course.
"It wouldn't have gone—half as far if I'd spent it," he said—Buffalo
Express.
A JEALOUS JIBE.—"What is Blotterton doing now?" asked one lit-
erary person.
"He has a regular job writing optical illusions," replied the other.
"What do you mean?"
"He writes things that look exactly like poetry until you inspect them
closely."—Washington Star.
AGE LIMIT AT BASSWOOD CORNERS.—Silas—Ever since the
farm hands in these parts went into the union they've had trouble with old
man Medders. They objected to his policies on the age limit. Last week
the union called a strike and Labby Tuttle jest left his plow at the further
side of the field and struck.
• Hiram—Age limit? Medders hain't a Osier man, is he?
Silas—No. The union demanded that his hired girl be under thirty-
tive!—Puck.
THEY ALL WROTE.—"Didn't you find it very difficult to get into com-
munication with all your relatives?" 1 asked the man who had just finished
writing his family history.
"No," he answered; "it was as easy as calling chickens; but I fear the
method I employed was not strictly aboveboard."
"What did you do?" with aroused curiosity.
"I got the papers to publish a notice that I had died a millionaire without
kin," he replied.—Chicago News.
REAL SOLICITUDE.—Husband—You are quite comfortable, dear?
Wife—Yes, love.
Husband—The cushions are easy and soft?
Wife—Yes, darling.
Husband—You don't feel any jolts?
Wife—No, sweetest.
Husband—And there is no draft on my lamb, is there?
Wife—No, my ownest own.
Husband—Then change seats with me.—Ideas.
REVIEW
What
Every Dealer
Should Know
T
HAT the continued growth of the
player-piano is bringing about new
conditions and the ascendancy of this
specialized product has accentuated the de-
mand for specific information concerning it.
Where can information be gained which
will aid the player-piano business?
Think it over.
The subject interests every dealer.
Now, if interest in the player product is
permitted to languish, the player-piano in time
will be no more active than instruments of the
ordinary type.
It will be used at irregular intervals.
Interest on the part of owners of player-
pianos must at all times be stimulated.
People who have purchased them must be
acquainted with their marvelous possibilities,
and it is absurd to say that the player-piano
will take care of itself.
Education and enlightenment must be con-
stantly carried on by those directly interested.
Recognizing the demand for specific in-
formation, this trade newspaper organization
put forth The Player Monthly, and it is con-
ceded that this magazine has been doing intel-
ligent, helpful work.
Dealers have purchased The Player Month-
ly in large quantities, realizing its helpfulness
to their interests by circulating it among peo-
ple interested in player-pinnos.
The cost is but a trill'-
By the year, fifty cents.
Single copies, five cents.
It is in tabloid form, and we shall take pleas-
ure in supplying sample copies free to those
who desire this aid to the player business.
Our position as specialists in this field is
conceded, for this newspaper institution is the
only one which has put forth technical and in-
structive literature relating to the player-
piano.
The Player Monthly is written in a chatty,
understandable, up-to-date vein.
Read it, and you will see just what it means
to you and your business.
EDWARD LYMAN BILL
PUBLISHER
1 MADISON AVE., NEW YORK