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THE MUSIC TRADE REVIEW
What the Piano
jiroker Says.
New York, Nov. 6, 1899.
I have convinced almost everyone with
whom I have come in contact that I am a
deep student of political and industrial
economy. I have convinced, too, a num-
ber of men that I can engineer a deal quite
as well as I can lay down a general theory
regarding a combination. I may say
without supererogation that I have a
most remarkable and convincing way
about me. I carry this with me most of
the time, unless I encounter an association
idealist. Then the way gets heavy and
tiresome and I succumb.
To speak of the Association: You will
notice from my little blast from the chilly
Alps that I have cooled down somewhat.
The fact was, the Association did not scare
worth a cent, and you know that anyone
who doesn't scare I have but little use for.
I love to scare people, and the only one
whom I did not scare was Swick. I want
to say, however, that I have got the slick-
est scheme now that I have ever worked.
You know how I tried to stampede the en-
tire trade with the department store scheme.
Well, I thought I worked that mine so that
there were no more nuggets within, but I
have concluded that I was mistaken. I
made another deal last week with Gimbel
Bros., and another in St. Louis, on both of
which I got my little "com." I do so love
"corns," particularly when they are the
right figure, and when I am permitted I
usually set the figure just right. Such is
my love for "corns" that I have never re-
fused to take one from a salesman for
placing him.
Other papers do not know how to place
the correct figures. I am willing to give
them a few points on this matter, and they
should not forget that I am very shrewd
and persistent, and I may say, without
supererogation, that my persistence counts
for something.
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*
Sometimes I feel in a reminiscent mood,
and when that comes on there is no telling
what I may say, or what secrets I may dis-
close, but I want to say that in the mat-
ter of departmental functions I may be
counted upon every time. In this I am
not like the tone regulator who is not able
to varnish, because I am able to varnish
everything, even to the Kaiser's mustache.
I have carefully studied the sub-divis-
ions of skilled labor and I want to say that
the most perfect organization possible is
a trust. This should be organized in a
large and compact way, just such a way as
I understand perfectly. Unless this trust
is organized as I suggest there will always
be labor troubles, but the moment the in-
dustry will permit me to organize just what
kind of an organization I would suggest
then all trouble ceases. That is, my trou-
bles are over for my little "com" comes in.
Many might look upon this as a Utopian
scheme, but I wish to say that they would
be entirely off in their calculations. I do
not work gratuitously. In fact I and
Croker resemble each other very strongly
in one particular. He said while under
oath that he worked all the while for
his pocket. Now it makes no differ-
ence whether I am under oath or not, but
I shall say the same thing, I am always
working for my pocket, and it is that
lovely, large, vacuous pocket into which
money from trade circles has gone for
many years.
But to return to my subject. This lack
of centralized organization is directly hos-
tile to my individual interests and I pro-
pose that it shall no longer exist in just
this precise condition. There is no trust
in this association; there should be, and
no association, because for some reason the
association doesn't like me, and I feel just
a little bit shy while talking about this mat-
ter. I have had on two or three occasions
to knuckle down to this association, and
once or twice it has thrown me down in a
windy way.
*
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#
That reminds me, I should like to tell
you one of my choice vulgar stories on
Lincoln at this point, but I will hold. I
am being constantly misrepresented, I am
really kind and gentle, but I feel that this
era of industrial development will always
remain in a dominative sphere unless I
can figure in removing it. The great
movements of the trade are not to be com-
prehended by any lesser force than I,
hence the force is not a force to leave me
out of any organization while I am the
best organizer, and without my aid every-
thing is seriously damaged without possi-
bility of resuscitation even the prospects of
the industry.
*
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*
Now pianos, I want to say, do not sell
like hats, that is, like the hat I wear, for in-
stance. There are very few that would
care to wear such an ornamental piece of
headgear, but then I am different than
other people, and when I have a nice hat
you will always notice I wear an old tie. I
prefer that combination, and what suits
me I am suited with because I am a great
ethical force.
But to return to the economical part of
my argument. I love the economical part
when a man is trying to get something
from me, and I love the extravagant part
when I am going to get something from
him. It makes a difference whose bull is
gored. I am trying to impress upon my
clientele that it should not be a question of
a few dollars a week when considering an
important matter, like myself for instance.
There are very few pianos that are per-
sonally endorsed, and when I endorse them
I just endorse them, and no other endorse-
ment endorses, because I endorse the same
as I endorse a note and they stay endorsed.
*
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*
I have found my little paper—the thin
one—so convenient to make personal deals.
It is the nicest little club, particularly when
one knows how to handle it as well as I, and
am I not the only man in the business?
Are there any other printing presses save
mine? Are there any men that can wear
that mysterious air of importance as well
as I? I feel that I was cut out for larger
spheres of activity. I am an important
\S
individual, and what is more I know it
myself, and I affirm this without a desire
of being accused of supererogation, that
there are few men who can toy with in-
trigue as well as myself. It is true that I
have been heavily sat upon during the past
two or three years. It is true that even
my excellent mental resources have been
severely taxed at times, yet these things
are all right. It was I who gave Jeffries
the points to win, and he did win because
I said he would win and that settles it—all
but my commission.
If the men of the Chicago trade will only
listen to me, I will stop the strike. Wait
until I get my voice in perfect working
order; I can stop everything—particularly
a commission.
*
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*
The other paper fellows are fools and
asses, because I say so, and that settles it.
When they do not say what I want them to,
they are bigger fools than ever. Once in a
while I like to change my tune and tell
what nice fellows they are—that is, when I
want to use them to do some of my dirty
work for me and help me out of a tight
place. They can never amount to any-
thing because their papers are not printed
on my press, and no paper can be a paper
unless I have something to do with it.
I believe that I shall go out to Chicago—
there is money to be made there. This
strike can't go by without my securing a
commission from some one; may be I can
get a "com" from both sides. Aha! That's
the stuff.
Order for 68 Everett Pianos.
Edmund Gram, the enterprising dealer
of Milwaukee, Wis., is doing some effective
advertising in the daily papers in connec-
tion with a recent order placed for Everett
pianos. An excellent display announce-
ment reads as follows:
"Probably the largest single order ever
given by a piano house in Milwaukee for
strictly high-grade pianos of one make is
one given by Edmund Gram for sixty-eight
Everett pianos for the holiday trade. Dur-
ing all the years Edmund Gram has been
in business, his constant aim has been to
sell only the very best instruments his ex-
perience and money could secure, and it is
for that reason no one has ever been dis-
appointed in the instruments purchased
from him.
"The important question in the purchase
of a piano is—What will it be in ten years?
—not what it is when bought. It there-
fore behooves the purchaser of a piano to
buy an instrument that will last for years."
Such advertising as this is dignified and
moreover emphasizes the demand at the
Gram establishment for high grade pi-
anos, at the same time is helpful in con-
centrating attention on the merits of the
Everett, which, by the way, has a firm
hold on the esteem of the musical people
of the Cream City.
Quarterly Dividend of 2 Per Cent.
A quarterly dividend (Number 18) of
two per cent, has been declared on the pre-
ferred capital stock of the American
Graphophone Company, payable Novem-
ber 15th to stockholders of record Novem-
ber 1 st.
.