Automatic Age

F U N N Y BONE TI CKLERS
ANY
S I M I L A R I T Y TD P E H S O N S L I V I N G
IS P U R E L Y I N T E N T I O N A L
“I hear M rs. Richrocks spent a hun­
dred thousand marrying that foreign
count.”
“ Yep, and she got quite a ruin for
her money.”
Foreman: “ Excuse me, but are you
the lady wot’s singing?”
Lady: “ Yes, I was singing. W hy?”
Foreman: “ Well may I arsk you
not to hang on that top note so long.
The men have knocked off twice al­
ready, mistakin’ it fo r the dinner
whistle.”
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
Their car was out o f gas.
Jill walked back
And home came Jack—
He must have made a pass!
Betty: “ Do you mean to say that
your boyfriend has the world’s strong­
est hug?”
Betsy: “ Yep, there’s no getting
away from it !”
Yessir, when a wife has the last
word — it’s always the last word in
jewelry, clothes, and cars.
Dancer, after demonstration: “ What
kind o f music would be appropriate
fo r this nude number?”
Stage director: “ A police whistle.”
Paper cocktail napkins in a Holly­
wood bar carry this: “ Man possesses
two ends. One to think with, and the
other to sit on. His success depends
on which he uses most.” Just another
version o f “ Heads you win, tails you
lose.”
Tree Surgeon’s Proposal: “ W IL ­
LOW marry me, PE A C H y? I ’m PLUM
crazy about you. Y ou’re so POPLAR,
but W A LN U T you be mine alone?
Pack your TRU N K and L E A F your
parents and let’s ELM B A R K on the
sea of matrimony. Am I able to sup­
port you in good style? Yes, I ’m
M APLE. I PINE F IR you night and
day and if you don’t let the preacher
tie the KNOT I’ll make an A SH o f
myself. Be mine and pretty soon we’ll
BRANCH out and there’ll be TREE
o f us. CEDAR point?”
Co-ed: “ Professor Hugsley gave me
a long talk on sex this afternoon.”
Chum: “ How did you sit through
it?”
Co-ed: “ On his lap, o f course!”
“Lemme tell you about the fireman
who stayed out late one night and was
afraid to go home for fear his wife
would be burning.”
A hefty woman cautiously stepped
on a scale, first one foot then the other
foot, and dropped her coin in the
chute. Came a voice from inside the
scale: “ One at a time, please.”
“ Isn’t this a gorgeous fur coat? I
got it fo r a song.”
“ Liar! You can’t sing a note.”
“ Say, wasn’t Harry a one-time hus­
band o f yours?”
“ Not him. He was a two-timer.”
B ill: “ Are you in favor o f a liberal
party?”
B. but D.: “ Well, that’s the only
kind I care to go out with.”
Sarah: “ Before we were married
you swore you would never look at
another woman.”
H arry: “ That was only a campaign
promise.”
Doctor (inquiring after boy who
swallowed a half a dollar) : “ How is
the boy today?”
M other: “ No change yet.”
Too many flames can make a girl
the toast of the town.
“ Is your husband a book-worm ?”
“ No— just an ordinary one.”
54
© International Arcade Museum
AUTOMATIC AGE
OR D E A D
Young m an: “I ’m going to be a sur­
geon.”
Second ditto: “Not for m e; too
much inside work.”
“ Have you heard that Peeping Tom
had a court decision against him ?”
“ Yea. He’s sore because the court
ordered the cuties to pull their shades
when undressing.”
Flubb: “ My gal’s a suicide blonde.”
Dubb: “ W hat d’ya mean?”
Flubb: “ She dyes by her own
hand.”
Rear half o f horse act: “ Listen,
you dope, I’m getting sick of playing
this part o f the horse.”
Front half of horse act: “ Aw, be
yourself.”
“ A girlie musical with a nautical
story, a South Sea setting, and oodles
o f man-heaters” — that’s Warner
Bros.’ N avy Blues.
Heard in Reno: “Some women find
marriage so fascinating, they make a
hubby of it.”
First Steno: “ Jeepers is always at
home in the water.”
Second Ditto: “ How is that?”
First' Ditto: “ He’s an old crab.”
Rose: “ Do you think that we girls
have more backbone than men?”
Evelyn: “ Naw, we just show it
more.”
Dobbins: “ I’m not in business for
love.”
Hobbins: “ But you’re always in the
market for it.”
“ I’m the law in my house.”
“ Lend me $10, will you?”
“ Sorry, my wife broke the law.’
September, 1941
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