FUNNY
ANY
BONE
SIM ILARITY
IS
The Students Aid of Vassar is
'publishing a booklet of advice
for girls on house-party dates,
entitled, “What Every Young
Lady Should No.”
John B r o w n i n g , a stone
carver of Potter Hill, Rhode
Island, has fashioned out of
granite life-sized statues of the
girls with whom he has had ro
mances, and placed them in a
cemetery lot.
TO
T IC K L E R S
PERSONS
PURELY
LIVING
Although without benefit of
clergy, a Negro w o m a n in
Georgia, was the proud mother
of fifteen children and a staunch
supporter of her church. When
finally she lay on her deathbed,
church members felt called upon
to show some special recognition
of her many years of service. A
committee met, deliberated, and
before the old woman died con
ferred upon her the “Honorary
Degree of Mrs.”
“I was iv or r i e d about the
woman in the strapless evening
gown; I kept wondering if her
gown would get up and go when
she d id ”—Bob Bums.
McTavish’s new girl friend is
so attractive that when he takes
her home he can hardly keep his
eyes on the meter.
A young lady, with a touch of
hay fever, took with her to a
dinner party two handkerchiefs,
one of which she stuck in her
bosom. At the dinner she began
rummaging to the right and left
in her bosom for the fresh hand
kerchief. E n g r o s s e d in her
search, she suddenly realized
that conversation had c e a s e d
and people were watching her,
fascinated.
In confusion she murmured,
“I know I had two when I
came.”
G ra p h ic Speech
I couldn’t get a word in
sledgewise.
A silk jersey dress that held
fast going around curves.
Women greeting each other
with cordial malevolence.
He began to soften toward
her like a toasted marshmallow.
58
“You have never kissed so
wonderfully before, Lena. Why
is that? Because we are in a
black-out?”
“No. It’s because my name is
Dinah.”
“No wonder he seeks comfort
from other women — his wife
understands him.”
AUTOMATIC AGE
© International Arcade Museum
DEAD
INTENTIONAL
Inhabitants of a Norwegian
fishing village—so a current war
story goes— w i t n e s s e d the
forced landing of an airplane
offshore. A fisherman set out to
rescue the pilots but soon re
turned without them. “They
were Germans,” he explained.
“But weren’t they alive?”
someone in the crowd asked.
“Well, one of them said he
was, but you know how these
Nazis lie."
Of course I wouldn’t say any
thing about Maisie unless I could
say something good. And, oh
boy, is this good— .”
OR
He took her down a dark road,
parked, and asked, “Will you
give me a kiss?” And, would
you believe it, before she could
say “No,” she had!
A gangster rushed into a
saloon, shooting right and left,
yelling, “All you dirty skunks
get outta here.”
The customers fled in a hail
of bullets— all except an Irish
man, who stood at the bar calm
ly finishing his drink. “Well?”
snapped the gangster, waving
his smoking gun.
“Well,” remarked the Irish
man, “there certainly were a
lot of them, weren’t there!”
News Item
Mrs. Lottie M y r o n s was
granted a divorce when she told
the judge that since their mar
riage her husband had spoken to
her but three times. She was
awarded the custody of their
three children.
A very large man and a small
er one had been long enough at
the bar to reach the confidential
s t a g e . “Do you know,” re
marked th e l a r g e one, “I
weighed only three and a half
pounds when I was born?”
“No!” said the small man in
credulously. “And d id y o u
live ?”
“Did I live? Boy! You should
see me now.!”
“Mabel’s furious.”
“Why?”
“Her husband just told her to
keep her best chin forward.”
December, 1941
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