FUNNY
ANY
BDNE
SIMILARITY
IS
A fisherman pulled a very large fish
out of the water. He got it off the
hook, and started to throw it back.
“W ait a minute," said a man who
had been watching him. “Why are you
doing that?”
“Oh, well,” the fisherman said, “no
body would ever believe that I caught
one that big.”
“Yep, I ’m a self-made man,” said
a man expansively to his son.
“Gee, pop, that’s what I like about
you. You take the blame for every
thing,” the young son replied.
“I understand your wife is a fin
ished singer,” said one friend to an
other.
“No, not yet,” replied the other,
“but the neighbors almost got her last
night.”
Car driver to pedestrian: “You walk
around as though you owned the
street."
The pedestrian: “You ride around
as though you owned the car”
Two dairies were engaged in an “ad
vertising war.” One of the companies
hired a daredevil race driver to drive
around the town for 100 hours. The
management decorated the car with
large placards reading:
“This Daredevil Drinks Our Milk.”
The rival company came out with
placards reading:
“You Don’t Have to be a Daredevil
to Drink Our Milk.”
Pluto: “I put $100.00 in the stock
market and came out with $ 1 0 , 000 . 00 .”
Crat: “That’s nothing. I put a
penny in a weighing machine and got
a fortune.”
Executive to secretary: “ Write to
the Whossit Manufacturing Company
and tell them in plain English what we
think of them, but be careful and don’t
lose my temper.”
TO
TICKLERS
PERSONS
PURELY
LIVING
There was a grocer named March.
One day a salesman came into his
store and said, “March, on the first
day of April the price of tea is going
up.”
A few days later a wholesale sales
man came in and said, “March, on the
first of April the price of canned
goods is going up.”
Later on the landlord came in and
said, “March, on the first of April I
must put the rent up.”
“Im sorry to hear that,” said March.
Th^fi he put up a sign in the win
dow / “The First of April Will Be the
End of March.”
A teacher called for brief essays on
“The funniest thing I ever saw.” One
boy got through several minutes be
fore the others, and the teacher asked
to see his effort. On his paper was
written:
“The funniest thing I ever saw was
too funny for words.”
Clerk in men’s clothing store:
“Are you looking for something in
men’8 clothing?”
Lady: “I certainly am. Have you
seen my husband around here?”
A salesman was talking to the own
er of a jewelry store. “I see your sign
reads, ‘A. Fraud, Jeweler.’ That
sounds bad, why don’t you use your
full name?” he asked.
“Well,” replied the jeweler, “my
full name is Adam.”
“Every wife should realize that
what her husband wants is peace of
mind,” said a judge recently. But not
a piece of hers.
AUTOMATIC AGE
© International Arcade Museum
DEAD
INTENTIONAL
“While I was out to a poker game
last night, a burglar broke into my
house.”
“Did he get anything?”
“I ’ll say he did! My wife thought it
was me!”
74
OR
“Has Gertie kept her girlish figure?”
“Kept it? Why, she’s actually dou
bled it !”
You can lead a rabbit to the furri
ers, but you can’t make it Mink.
Gentleman: “ Pardon me, lady, but
your stockings seem rather wrinkled.”
She: “How dare you! I have no
stockings on.”
Young man: “Sir, your daughter
has promised to become my wife.”
Father: “Well, don’t come to me for
sympathy. I knew something like that
would happen to you for hanging
about the house six nights a week.”
“Let me kiss those tears away,
sweetheart,” he begged tenderly.
She fell into his arms and he was
very busy for a few minutes. But the
tears continued.
“Can nothing stop them?” he asked
breathlessly.
“No,” she murmured. “It’s hay
fever, but go on with the treatment.”
When Cupid hits the mark he gen
erally Mrs. it.
Fond Mother: “How much do you
charge for taking children’s photo
graphs?”
Photographer: “Five dollars a doz
en.”
^
F. M.: “You’ll have to give me more
time. I have only ten now.”
Bill: “They say brunettes have
sweeter dispositions than blondes.”
Jim : “Dotty has been both, and I
can’t see any difference.”
She: “Before we were married you
called me an angel.”
He: “I know it.”
She: “But now you don’t call me
anything!”
He: “That shows my self-control.”
August, 1941
http://www.arcade-museum.com/