September, 1940
AUTOMATIC AGE
102
F U N
N
Y B O
N
E
T I C
K L E R
S
A N Y S IM IL A R IT Y TO PERSO N S L IV IN G OR D E A D IS
P U R E L Y IN T E N T IO N A L
Time Out
“ So your new boy friend is getting
to be quite a problem.”
“ Well, we spend most of our time
wrestling with my conscience.”
H e: “ If I kiss you, will you talk?”
She:
“ Not while you’re kissing
me
Here is one about a girl who tried
to sell subscriptions to the Saturday
Evening Post — but all the men
wanted to take Liberties.
— o—
When two is company, three’s the
result.
George Washington was first in
war, first in peace and first in the
hearts of his countrymen — but he
married a widow.
“ I believe,” said the impatient man
as he put aside the telephone, “ that
I’ll go fishing.”
Didn’t know you cared for fish
ing.”
I don’t ordinarily. But it’s the
only chance I have of finding myself
at the end of a line that isn’t busy.”
A timid little man was about to
take an examination for life insur
ance.
His more dominating, com
manding and better half was at his
side.
“ You don’t dissipate, do you?”
asked the doctor. “ Not a fast liver,
are you?”
The man hesitated a moment, look
ed a bit frightened, then replied in
a small piping voice:
“ I sometimes chew a little gum.”
—o—
A
fly was walking with her
daughter over the head of a very
bald man.
“ Things certainly have changed,”
she said. “ When I was your age this
was all thick woods.”
A Scot went to Australia. When he
returned three years later he found
his three brothers, all with beards,
at the railway station.
“ W hat’s the big idea?” he asked.
“ Ye know quite well ye took the
razor awa’ wi’ ye,” was the reply.
—o—
“ Is your boy Josh going back to
college?”
“ Yes,” replied Farmer Corntossel.
“ It’ll cost something to send him, but
it’ll be worth a good deal to keep him
from interferin’ with practical work
around the place.”
When in Rome do as the Romeos do.
Our girl once thought she had a
genuine sealskin coat— but there was
something bunny about it.
W aiter: “ Sir, when you eat here
you do not need to dust off the
plate.”
Customer: “ Beg pardon, force of
habit. I’m an umpire.”
A bathing beauty contest is often
won by the girl who gets a head start.
She turns the judge's head.
An old lady walked into the court
and said to the judge, “ Are you the
judge of reprobates?”
“ I am judge of Probate,” he re
plied.
"W ell, that's it, I suspect. You
see, my husband died detested anti
left me several infidels, and I want
to be their executioner.”
— o—
It’s better to have loved and lost
than never to have known the facts
of life.
Stranger
at
crossroads
store:
“ Who’s the close-mouthed fellow over
there in the corner? He hasn’t spoken
a word for the last fifteen minutes.”
Another Village Loafer: “ Him?
That’s Pete Blackmore.
He ain’t
close-mouthed— he’s jess waitin’ the
storekeeper to bring back the spit
toon.”
“ So, you only work while your boss
is looking?”
“ Yes, I ’m an artist’s model.”
She: “ Tell me dear, did you ever
go on a honeymoon before?”
H e: “ Well, not to speak of.”
Here’s an easy way to cure a
kleptomanic take him to the flea
“ Lady, if you’ll give us a nickel, my
brother will imitate a hen.”
“ W hat will he do?” asked the lady,
“ cackle like a hen?”
“ Naw,” replied the boy in disgust,
“ he wouldn’t do a cheap imitation like
that. He’ll eat a woim.”
Nervous Passenger: “ Don’t drive
so fast around the corners. It makes
me nervous.”
Chauffeur: “ Do what I do — shut
your eyes when we come to a com er.”
“ Does your husband talk in his
sleep?”
“ No, and it’s terribly exasperating.
He just grins.”
H e: “ Are you fond of indoor
sports?”
She: “ Yes, providing they go home
early.”
© International Arcade Museum
In a battle of tongues a woman
can never hold her own.
Judge to Prisoner: “Say, when
were you born?”
(No reply).
Judge: “I say, when was your
birthday?”
Prisoner: “ W ot do you care? You
ain’t gonner give me nothin’ ! ”
The teacher turned on little fred
die. “ Young man,” she said, “ I will
have to keep you in after class
again.”
“ Okay!” replied the eight-year-old.
“ But I ’ll have you know that half
the town says we’re going steady!”
A seemingly stupid young fellow
was being bullied in cross-examina
tion. “ Do you ever work?” demand
ed the attorney.
“ Not much,” the witness agreed.
“Have you ever earned as much
as $10 in one week?”
“ Ten dollars? Yeh. A couple of
times.”
“ Is your father regularly employ
ed?”
“Nope.”
“Isn’t it true that he’s a worthless
good-for-nothing, too?”
“I don’t know about that,” said
the witness. “But you might ask him.
H e’s sittin’ there on the jury.”
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