74
T
he
A
u t o m a t ic
“ Mr. Chairman,” complained the
speaker, stopping in his address, “ I
have been on my feet nearly ten min
utes, but there is so much ribaldry
and interruption, I can hardly hear
myself speak.”
“ Cheer up, guv-nor,” came a voice
from the rear, “ you ain’t missin’
much.”
NOTHING NEW
Groom: “ Have you kissed the
bride?”
Best Man (absently): “ Oh, yes,
hundreds of times.”— Life.
Author— This is the plot o f my
story. A midnight scene. Two bur
glars creep stealthily towards the
house. They scale a wall and force
open a window of the house. As
they enter the room, the clock strikes
one.
Grace (breathlessly)— Which one?
“ Fix bayonets!” roared the hard-
boiled sergeant on the drill grounds.
“ Please, sir,” quavered the very
new recruit, “ there’s nothing the
matter with mine.”
A
ge
Where’s My Hat?
“ The next person who interI^
the proceedings will be sent h°
declared the judge.
“ Hurray!” yelled the prisoneryi
Ollapod.
Get Him a Red Oak
Bride— I want to buy a tie f°r
husband.
•
Clerk— What kind, madam?
Bride— Well, he’s an engineer
I ’d like to buy him one of those 1
road ties he talks about.— St. *'
Globe.
An Efficient Officer
The London consul of a contiA®^,
al kingdom was informed by his f>
ernment that one o f his cou ^ ^
women, supposed to be living .
Great Britain, had been left a ,^ t
fortune. After advertising ^ J
result, he applied to the police, %
a smart young detective was b & j
work. A few weeks later his cl1
asked how he was getting on.
“ I’ve found the lady, sir.”
“ Good! Where is she?”
“ At my place. I married her 1
terday.”— Everybody’s.
The Side Show Reversed
Jones (at side-show)— Mister, I
have a wife and fourteen children.
Can’t you let us look at the monkey
for half price?
Show Man — Fourteen children.
Wait! I’ll bring the monkey out to
look at you.
© International Arcade Museum
Laid Up for Repairs
Farmer Smith— “ What becaifle
that hired man you had?”
Farmer Brown—“ Aw, he used
work in a garage in town, and 3^
terday the idiot crawled under a J11
to see why it wouldn’t go.”
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